Write about the following topic: In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Part 2
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

In this essay i, I will discus abouts who should pay for the old age care of people,: the government or family. I think that the payment should be deivided between both sides,; let me explain why. First of all, iI believe that the family haves a responsibility to take care of theire elderly relatives. In my country, it is common for the older people to live with theire children or grandchildrens when they can not longer take care of themselfs anymoreves. The family provides them with food, shelter, and basic medical care. This way, the elderly can feel loved and supported by theire loved ones in theire final years. However, iI also think that the government has a role to play in supporting the elderly. E, especially for those peoples who do not have family to relay on. The government should provide care homes and nurses for elderly individuals who are alone or have complex medical needs. This ensures that no one is left behind and everyone gets the care they need. Moreover, even for elderly individuals who live with theire families, the government can provide financial support. Taking care of an elderly relative can be expensive, especially if they need a lot of medical care. The government could offer grants or tax breaks to familyies who are caring for elderly relatives. This would help to ease the financial burden on familyies and ensure that the elderly getreceive the care they need. In conclusion, I believe that the responsibility for caring for the elderly should be shared between the family and the government. Familyies should provide love and support, while the government provides financial assistance and care for those without the family. Only by working together we can we ensure that all elderly people are taken care of with dignity and respect in theire final years.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the roles of both family and government in elderly care, which is a key strength. However, it could benefit from a clearer thesis statement and more developed arguments, such as specific examples of government programs or family dynamics in different cultures. Critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, as there are several errors that detract from the overall quality, and the use of cohesive devices, which could enhance the flow of the argument. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving vocabulary, and enhancing transitions between ideas. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating specific examples to strengthen arguments and expanding the range of vocabulary to avoid repetition. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and transitions between ideas could be smoother. For instance, using phrases like 'on the other hand' or 'furthermore' could enhance the flow of the argument.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('the family have' should be 'the family has') and incorrect verb forms ('take care of there elderly' should be 'take care of their elderly'). While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. Improving grammatical accuracy and using a wider range of sentence structures would enhance this score.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition (e.g., 'elderly' and 'family'). Additionally, some word choices are incorrect or awkward, such as 'oldage' (should be 'old age') and 'financal' (should be 'financial'). Expanding the range of vocabulary and using synonyms could improve this score.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the roles of both family and government in elderly care. However, it could benefit from a clearer thesis statement and more developed arguments. For example, the author could provide specific examples of government programs or family dynamics in different cultures to strengthen their points.
6.5

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