Write about the following topic: Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

Part 2
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

Some people think that when children can choose for themselves about everyday things like what to eat, wear, or do for fun, it will make them only care about what they want. Others believe it's important for kids to decide on things that impact them. I will discussing both sides of this issue and share my perspective. On the 1one hand, if children are always allowed to make they'reir own choices about food, clothing, and activities, they may become self-centered individuals who don't consider the needs of others. For example, if a child only eats junk foods and refuses healthy meals, it can affect theire health and create problems for the family. Allowing children to always follow they'reir preferences without guidance, can lead to them not learning to think about consequences or how theire actions affect others peoples. However, I believe it is also importeant for children to have some autonomy in decision-making as it helps them develop into independent, responsible adulthoods. Making choices and learning from mistakes is part of the maturation process. If parents make all choices for theire kids, the children may struggle in later life when they need to think for themselfves. For instantsce, choosing theire own clothes can help children express themselves and build confidence. In my opinion, the best approach is to find a balance where children can make some decisions but with adult guidance when needed. Parents can give limited options that are all acceptable, like letting the child choose between 2two healthy snacks. As children demonstrate good judgment, they can be given more freedom in they'reir choices. It's about helping childsren learn to make responsible decisions, not letting them do whatever they want. In conclusion, while it's true that only letting kids do what they like can make them selfish, it's also importeant to let them make some choices. The key is giving them chances to choose but with support and limits from parents. This helps build the skills needed for independent adults who thinks of others, not just what they want.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the task by discussing both views on children's decision-making and presents a clear opinion. Key strengths include a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include the development of ideas, which could be more thorough with specific examples, and the use of cohesive devices, which could enhance the flow of the essay. Structural changes made include correcting spelling and grammatical errors, improving phrasing for clarity, and ensuring proper paragraph separation. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented include incorporating a wider range of vocabulary and more varied linking words to enhance coherence. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances of awkward phrasing that disrupt the flow. For example, phrases like 'On the 1 hand' and 'For instants' could be improved to enhance clarity. More varied linking words could also improve coherence.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates some grammatical range, but there are multiple errors in grammar and punctuation (e.g., 'they're' instead of 'their', 'dont' instead of 'don't', and incorrect subject-verb agreement). These errors affect the overall clarity of the writing. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'importent', 'there', 'instants') and some repetition of phrases (e.g., 'choices', 'children'). To improve, the writer could incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and ensure correct spelling. Using synonyms or more sophisticated expressions would enhance the lexical resource score.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views on children's decision-making and presents a clear opinion. However, the development of ideas could be more thorough, with more specific examples and a clearer structure. For instance, elaborating on the consequences of self-centered behavior or providing more examples of autonomy could strengthen the argument.
6.5

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