Write about the following topic: Some people believe that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, for example football or volleyball, while other people think that taking part in individual sports is better, for example swimming or running. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

Part 2
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

Nowadays, people have different opinions on whether playing team sports like football and volleyball are more bestis better than solo sports such as swimming or running. There are benefits and drawback ofs to both types of sports. I will talk aboutdiscuss both sides of this discussebate and share my own thinking.oughts. On the one hand, do team sports can hasve some advantages. Firstly, when people play sports together, it can train them in the skills of cooperateion and communication. For example, in a volleyball game, players must talk to each other and work togetherly to hit the ball over the net and score points. This can help improve theyir social skills, which isare useful in many areas of livfe. Secondly, team sports can be more fun and exciting than solo sports. When people play with friends or teammates, they can share the joy of winning and the disappointment of loseing together. This can create a stronger sense of belonging and make the sporting experience more enjoyable. On the other hand, solo sports also have some benefits. One advantage is that ithey allows people to focus on theirs own performance without being distracted by others. For example, when someone is swimming, they can concentrate on theyir own technique and speed without worrying about what other swimmers isare doing. This can help them to improve theirs skills more quickly. Another benefit of solo sports is that ithey can be more flexible and convenient. People can do ithem anytime, anywhere, without needing to coordinate with others or find a team to join. They can also set theirs own goals and work at theirs own pace. In my opinion, I think both team sports and solo sports hasve theirs own advantages and suit different people's needs and preferences. Some people enjoy the social aspect and excitement of team sports, while others prefer the focus and flexibility of solo sports. I believe that the best approach is to try both types of sports and find the one that works best for you. Personally, I enjoy playing basketball with my friends because it is a fun way to stay fit and spend time together. However, I also like going for runs by myself sometimes because it gives me time to think and relax. In conclusion, there are benefits to both team sports and individual sports, and the best choice depends on someone's personality and goals. Whether someone chooses to play football with friends or go swimming by themselfves, the most important things is to find a sport that they enjoy and that helps them stay healthy and happy.
DeletedOriginal textAddedCorrected text

Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the task by discussing both team and solo sports, providing relevant examples and a personal opinion. Key strengths include a clear structure with distinct paragraphs for each viewpoint and a personal touch in the conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly with subject-verb agreement and verb forms, as well as vocabulary usage, where some words were misused or repeated. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, enhancing clarity, and improving transitions between ideas. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include expanding the range of vocabulary and using more cohesive devices to enhance the flow of ideas. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal yet personal approach.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, with clear paragraphs for each viewpoint. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother, and the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited. For instance, using phrases like 'on the contrary' or 'in addition' could enhance the flow of ideas. Improving the linking of sentences would strengthen coherence.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., 'do team sport can has' should be 'team sports can have') and incorrect verb forms (e.g., 'is doing' instead of 'are doing'). While the writer demonstrates some range in sentence structures, the frequency of errors affects clarity. To improve, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and review sentence constructions.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition (e.g., 'sport' and 'solo sport'). The writer attempts to use some varied expressions, but there are also several misused words and phrases (e.g., 'best' instead of 'better', 'theirs' instead of 'their'). To improve, the writer should aim for a wider range of vocabulary and ensure correct usage.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views on team sports and individual sports, providing relevant examples and personal opinion. However, the introduction could be clearer, and the conclusion could better summarize the main points. To improve, the writer could ensure a more structured approach in presenting arguments and examples.
6.5

Related Writing Samples

Part 2
5.0

Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on individuals and society. To what extent do you agree?

Part 2
6.5

Whether or not someone achieves their aims is mostly a question of luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
8.0

We have become a disposable society, preferring to buy new products rather than fixing existing items. What are the causes of this trend and what are the possible solutions?

Part 2
5.5

The tendency that news reports in media focus on problems and emergencies rather than on positive developments is harmful for individuals and the society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
7.0

Today single-use products are still very common. Why is this? What are the problems associated with this?

Part 2
6.5

In the future, more people will choose to go on holiday in their own country and not travel abroad on holiday. Do you agree or disagree?