Write about the following topic: today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

Part 2
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

In nNowadays, the sales of famous products shows how powerfull the marketing campaigns can be, and not really what the peoples of the society need to buy. I am agree with this statement, and I will explain why using examples from my life experience. Firstly, big compagnies spentd a lot of monney foron advertissing their brand and make peoples to want to buy theire products. They put advuertising everywhere - on TV, in magazines, on billboards in the streets, sponsoring events, etc. This creates a strong desire in people's minds that they need to have those products. For exeample, when I was younger, I really wanted to have Nike shooses because all the cool athletes in the TV spots were wearing them. I thinkedought that if I haved Nike, I willould be cool and populear like them. Secondly, compagnynies use clever marketing tactics to manipulate people's emotieons and make them to feel that they absolotutely must have the produkct. They show beautiful, successful people using the produkct and make us to believe that we can be like that if we buy it too. AlsoFurthermore, they create limited editions or special offers that create a sense of urgenseecy and make people to feel that they will miss out if they don't buy now. This happened to me when Apple released a new iPhone. I didn't really needed a new phone, but the advertissing made me to feel that I must have it or I willould not be modern and stylish. In concluzsion, I strongly agree that today, the high sales of populear products itsare because of the power of advertissing and marketing, and not because of the real needs of the society. Companies use clever tactics to manipulate people's emotieons and create artificial needs and desires. As consumoers, we need to be aware of this and make shure that we buy things because we really need them, and not just because the advertissing tells us to do so.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and presents a personal viewpoint supported by relevant examples. Key strengths include a clear opinion and relatable personal experiences that illustrate the argument. However, critical areas for improvement include addressing spelling and grammatical errors, enhancing coherence through better transitions, and providing a more robust conclusion. Structural changes made include correcting spelling errors, improving grammatical accuracy, and adding transitional phrases to enhance flow. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include expanding on the implications of advertising on consumer behavior and incorporating more diverse examples. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and reflective style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas could be improved with better use of cohesive devices. For instance, transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be smoother. To enhance coherence, the writer could use linking phrases such as 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' to connect ideas more effectively.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are numerous grammatical errors (e.g., 'I am agree', 'big compagnies spent', 'make peoples to want', 'this create', 'thinked', 'make us to believe', 'its because of', 'shure that we buy things'). These errors affect clarity and accuracy. To improve, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, verb forms, and sentence structure to enhance grammatical accuracy.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'powerfull', 'peoples', 'monney', 'advurtising', 'shoose', 'thinked', 'populer', 'emotiens', 'produkt', 'beutiful', 'urgensee', 'happend', 'consumors', 'shure') that detract from the overall quality. The writer does attempt to use some varied vocabulary, but the frequent errors limit the effectiveness. To improve, the writer should proofread for spelling and consider using synonyms to avoid repetition.
5.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by expressing a clear opinion and providing relevant examples from personal experience. However, the development of ideas could be more thorough, and the conclusion could be strengthened to reinforce the argument. To improve, the writer could include more diverse examples and elaborate on the implications of advertising on consumer behavior.
6.0

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