Write about yourself.
Sample Essay with Corrections
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The essay presents a clear overview of the writer's background, interests, and future aspirations, which is a key strength. However, it lacks depth in certain areas, such as specific examples of experiences or achievements, which could enhance the task achievement score. The coherence and cohesion of the essay have been improved by adding transitional phrases and ensuring a smoother flow of ideas. The vocabulary has been varied, and grammatical errors have been corrected, addressing critical areas for improvement. The structural changes made include correcting verb forms and pluralization, as well as enhancing the overall coherence with better transitions. For further improvements, the writer could include specific examples of their studies or travel experiences to provide more depth. The tone used is appropriate for a personal introduction, maintaining a friendly and engaging style.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The essay has a logical structure, but the flow of ideas could be improved. Some sentences feel disjointed, and transitions between ideas are not always smooth. Using more cohesive devices, such as 'firstly', 'in addition', or 'on the other hand', could enhance the overall coherence.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
There are several grammatical errors, including incorrect verb forms ('I am study', 'I am play', 'I have been study'), and issues with pluralization ('book', 'city', 'place'). While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on using correct verb tenses and plural forms.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition (e.g., 'I am' and 'I like'). Additionally, some phrases are awkwardly constructed, such as 'I enjoy to read book'. To improve, the writer could use a wider range of vocabulary and more varied expressions.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The writing provides a clear overview of the writer's background, interests, and future aspirations. However, it lacks depth in certain areas, such as specific examples of experiences or achievements. To improve, the writer could include more details about their studies or specific places they wish to travel.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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