Write an answer to one of the questions 3 – 5 in this part. Write your answer in 200 – 250 words in an appropriate style on this question paper. Put the question number in the box at the top of the answer space. Question 3 You see this notice on the school's Facebook page. Articles wanted! A Place of Natural Beauty What is the name and location of the place? What are its attractions? Why would you recommend the place to others? Write us an article answering these questions. The best article will be posted on the school's Facebook page. Write your article. Question number: 3
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The essay effectively introduces The Pine Park and discusses its attractions and reasons for recommendation, demonstrating a clear understanding of the task. Key strengths include a logical structure with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, as well as a good range of attractions mentioned. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly with subject-verb agreement and article usage, as well as enhancing the richness of vocabulary to avoid repetition. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving cohesion with transitional phrases, and ensuring proper paragraph separation. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing more detailed descriptions of specific activities available at the sports facilities and incorporating more varied vocabulary. The tone used is appropriate for the task, being informative and persuasive.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. However, some sentences could be better linked to improve the flow of ideas. For instance, using more cohesive devices such as 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' could enhance the transitions between points. Additionally, the use of paragraphs could be more distinct to separate different ideas clearly.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement ('the park have' should be 'the park has') and incorrect article usage ('a big glasshouse' should be 'the big glasshouse'). While these errors do not significantly impede understanding, they do detract from the overall quality of the writing. More complex sentence structures could also be incorporated to demonstrate greater grammatical range.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition and awkward phrasing, such as 'it located' instead of 'it is located' and 'the park have' instead of 'the park has.' More varied vocabulary could be employed to enhance the richness of the writing. For example, instead of repeating 'attractions,' synonyms like 'features' or 'highlights' could be used.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The essay addresses the task by introducing a specific place, The Pine Park, and discussing its attractions and reasons for recommendation. However, it could be improved by providing more detailed descriptions of the attractions and enhancing the persuasive elements of the recommendation. For example, including specific activities available at the sports facilities or mentioning any events held in the park would strengthen the response.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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