Write an apology letter to your friend: Apologize for not being able to attend his birthday party last weekend Explain the reason you were unable to attend Suggest an alternate plan to celebrate together
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The letter demonstrates a clear understanding of the task requirements by apologising for missing the birthday party, explaining the reason, and suggesting an alternative plan. Key strengths include a logical structure and a sincere tone. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, vocabulary variety, and coherence. The structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving transitions, and enhancing the overall tone to be more formal. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include using a wider range of vocabulary and more varied sentence structures to enhance expressiveness. The tone used is appropriate for a personal letter, but a slightly more formal approach could further enhance the effectiveness of the communication.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The letter has a logical structure, but the flow of ideas could be improved. Some sentences are repetitive, and transitions between ideas are not always smooth. For example, the transition from explaining the reason to suggesting an alternate plan could be clearer. Using cohesive devices more effectively would enhance the overall coherence.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
There are multiple grammatical errors throughout the letter, including incorrect verb forms ('I am write'), missing articles ('you birthday'), and awkward constructions ('to taking care of her'). While the meaning is generally clear, the errors affect the overall accuracy. To improve, the writer should focus on using correct verb forms and sentence structures.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several instances of repetition (e.g., 'birthday', 'party', 'sister'). Additionally, some phrases are awkward or incorrect, such as 'I am write to say sorry' and 'you birthday'. To improve, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and correct any misused words.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The letter addresses the task requirements by apologizing for missing the birthday party, explaining the reason, and suggesting an alternate plan. However, the tone could be more formal, and there are some awkward phrases that detract from the overall effectiveness. To improve, the writer could use more varied expressions and ensure the tone matches the context better.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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