WRITING TASK 2 You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Today many children spend a lot of time playing computer games and little time on sports. Why is this? Is it a positive or negative development? You should write at least 250 words.

Part 2
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

Nowadays, many childrens are spending a lots of time playing computer games but very lessittle time on doing sports activities. There are many reasons for this trend, and iI believe it has both positive as well asnd negative effects on the children's. One of the main reasons for this trend is that computer games hasve become very much popular in recent years. With the advancement of technologisy, the games are becoming more realistic and engaging, which attracts children to play them for longer hours. Additionally, many parents are busy with theire work, and they finds it convenient to let theire children play computer games rather than taking them out for sports. Another reason is that many children finds playing sports less interesting comparinged to computer games. In computer games, children can play with theire friends online and competes with each other, which gives them a sense of achievement. On the other hand, playing sports requires physical efforts and time, which many children are not willing to put in.invest. However, iI believe that this trend has more negative impacts than positive ones. Firstly, spending too much times on computer games can lead to health problems like obesity, eye strain, and back pain. Children needs to engage in physical activities to maintain good health, and playing sports is the best way to do that. Secondly, playing sports helps children to develops important life skills such as teamwork, leadership, and discipline. These skills are very importantcrucial for success in life and cannot be learned by playing computer games alone. For instance, participating in team sports teaches children how to work collaboratively towards a common goal. In conclusion, while there are some positive aspects of children playing computer games, iI believe that the negative impacts outweighs the positives. It is important for parents and teachers to encourages children to play sports and limit theire time spent on computer games. This will help them to grow into healthy and well-rounded individuals.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task, addressing the reasons behind children's preference for computer games and discussing both positive and negative aspects. Key strengths of the essay include a logical structure and the inclusion of relevant points. The writer effectively identifies the main reasons for the trend and provides some insight into the consequences of excessive gaming. Critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly with subject-verb agreement and word forms. The vocabulary could be more varied to avoid repetition and enhance clarity. Additionally, the development of ideas could be more thorough, with specific examples to support the arguments. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving transitions between paragraphs, and enhancing the clarity of ideas. For instance, the addition of a specific example regarding teamwork in sports strengthens the argument about life skills. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing more detailed examples of the negative impacts of excessive gaming and elaborating on the benefits of sports participation. The tone of the essay is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical flow of ideas. However, some transitions between points could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing reasons for gaming to the negative impacts could be better signposted. To improve, the writer could use more cohesive devices to link ideas and paragraphs more effectively.
6.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('childrens are spending'), incorrect use of articles ('a lots'), and inconsistent verb tenses. While the writer demonstrates some range in sentence structures, the frequent errors hinder clarity. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and practicing complex sentence structures.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is adequate but contains several errors and repetitions, such as 'children' and 'computer games.' There are also instances of incorrect word forms (e.g., 'childrens,' 'technologis'). To enhance the score, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and ensure correct word forms and collocations.
5.5
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing reasons for children's preference for computer games over sports and presents both positive and negative aspects. However, the development of ideas could be more thorough, with more specific examples to support the arguments. For improvement, the writer could elaborate on the consequences of excessive gaming and provide more detailed examples of life skills gained from sports.
6.0

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