You and your co-worker often have lunch in a nearby park. However, there have been too many birds in the park lately, especially the pigeons who want your food. The situation is spoiling your lunch break. Describe the importance of the park to you and your colleagues Explain how the birds have affected you Suggest what the newspaper's readers, or city officials and park managers, can do to improve the situation.

Part 1 (General)
6.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

Dear City Officials and Park Managers, I am writing to bring yourexpress my concern about to a problem that is happenoccurring in the park where my colleague and I eat lunch every day. This park is very importancet to us and other workers in this area, as it provides a peaceful and relaxing space to take a break from work and enjoy our lunch. GThe green space, with fresh air and nature, helps us to relax and recharge during a busy workday. However, in recently days, the park has become overrun with birds, especially pigeons. They are very aggressive and always try to steal our food. This situations has made it difficult to enjoy our lunch break, as we are constantly harassed by the birds. TAdditionally, the bird droppings also make the benches and tables very dirty, so it ismaking it hard to sit and eat theour food. To address this issue, I suggest forthat the city officials and park management team to take a few steps. First of all, they could install more bird-proof trash containers to prevent the birds tofrom accessing the food wastinge. Also, they could put up signs to discouraginge people from feeding these birds. Finally, they could increase the cleanings and maintenance of the park to remove the bird droppings and keep the area clean. I urge you to please take action on this matter. The park is such a valuable resource for us workers in this area, and the current bird problems isissues are seriously impacting our abilitiesy to enjoy it. By takeing these steps, you can helping to restore the park to a peaceful and enjoyable space that everyone can use. Sincerely, Arun Patel
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Expert Feedback

Key strengths of the essay include a clear identification of the problem and the importance of the park, as well as a structured approach to suggesting solutions. The letter maintains a logical flow of ideas, which is essential for coherence. Critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, as several errors detract from the overall clarity. Additionally, the vocabulary could be more varied to avoid repetition and enhance the letter's professionalism. The tone could also be slightly more formal to align with the context of addressing city officials. Structural changes made include refining the introduction for clarity, improving transitions between paragraphs, and correcting grammatical errors. The overall flow was maintained while enhancing coherence and cohesion. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include using a wider range of vocabulary and more precise expressions, as well as incorporating more cohesive devices to link ideas more fluidly. The tone used is generally appropriate for a formal letter, but slight adjustments to increase formality would enhance its effectiveness.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The letter is generally coherent, with a logical flow of ideas. However, some sentences could be better linked for smoother transitions. For example, the transition between the description of the park's importance and the issue with the birds could be more fluid. Using cohesive devices more effectively would enhance the overall clarity.
6.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
There are several grammatical errors, such as 'is happen' instead of 'is happening,' 'importance' instead of 'important,' and 'this situations' instead of 'this situation.' These errors affect clarity and accuracy. While the writer demonstrates some range in sentence structures, the frequent mistakes hinder the overall effectiveness. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate but somewhat limited and repetitive, particularly with words like 'birds' and 'park.' There are some awkward phrases, such as 'bring your concern about to a problem' and 'the current bird problems.' To improve, the writer could use a wider range of vocabulary and more precise expressions, such as 'avian population' instead of 'birds' or 'issues' instead of 'problems.'
6.0
Task Achievement
The letter addresses the task by describing the importance of the park, explaining how the birds have affected the lunch experience, and suggesting solutions. However, the introduction could be clearer, and the tone could be slightly more formal. For improvement, the writer could explicitly state the importance of the park in the opening sentence and ensure a more formal tone throughout.
7.0

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