You and your co-workers often have lunch in a nearby park. However, there have been too many birds in the park lately, especially the pigeons who want your food. The situation is spoiling your lunch break. Describe the importance of the park to you and your colleagues. Explain how the birds have affected you. Suggest what the newspaper's readers, or city officials and park managers, can do to improve the situation.

Part 1 (General)
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

For me and my colleague, the park beside our office is a special place. We going there to eat food at lunch and relax and, enjoy being some time outside of work for some time. The park gives us an hour to rest and, recharge, and be social with other coworkers. SoTherefore, I think the parks is truly important for the workers to have a nice break and maintain good health. But However, recently when we sit on a bench with our lunch boxes, there isare so many birds coming around us. The pigeons come very close and try to steal the foods from us. They fly too much around theour heads too much, and sometimes they dropping " waste" from the sky. This makinges lunchtime very annoying, and we cannot enjoy it in peace. The birds is getting more braveare becoming more courageous and numerous each day. To solve this problem, I think two things can happened. Firstly, the city should putting more trash bins so people do not leave the food trashwaste for the birds to eating. Second. Additionally, the park manager could maybe spray some water to makinge the birds fly away for some time. Or putting aa while or use loud sounds to scare them. I know birds need a place to live in the city, but they should not disturb the hardworking people's lunch breaks. I hope that by working together, a solution can be fiound.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task, addressing the importance of the park and the issues caused by birds during lunch breaks. Key strengths include the identification of the problem and the suggestion of potential solutions. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, coherence, and lexical variety. The structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, enhancing transitions between ideas, and improving the overall flow of the essay. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include expanding on the benefits of the park for well-being and providing more detailed explanations of the proposed solutions. The tone used is appropriate for the task, maintaining a conversational yet respectful approach.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The writing has a basic structure, but the flow of ideas is somewhat disjointed. There are some logical connections, but transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be improved for better clarity. For instance, using cohesive devices like 'firstly' and 'additionally' could enhance the organization of the suggestions.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
There are several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('the park give us' should be 'the park gives us') and incorrect verb forms ('we going' should be 'we go'). While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and proper tense usage.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition (e.g., 'bird' and 'pigeon') and some awkward phrases (e.g., 'the birds is getting more brave'). To improve, the writer could use synonyms or more varied expressions to enhance the lexical range, such as 'avian' for 'bird' or 'courageous' for 'brave.'
5.0
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by describing the importance of the park, explaining how the birds have affected the lunch experience, and suggesting solutions. However, the ideas could be more fully developed and organized. For example, the importance of the park could include more specific benefits for well-being, and the suggestions could be elaborated further.
6.0

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