You are an international student in Australia. You have an account with a local bank. The monthly bank transfer you receive from your parents has been delayed this month due to an error at your parents' bank. Write a letter to the bank. In your letter: Introduce yourself Explain your situation Describe what action you would like the bank to take

Part 1 (General)
7.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to you to inform you of my situation and asking for helpto request your assistance. My name is Li Wei, and iI am an international student from China, studying at the University of Melbourne. I have had an account with your bank for the last 6six months. Every month, my parents send me moneyfunds for living expenses and tuition fees. They, transferring the money to my bank account inat your bank. However, this month, I have not received the moneyfunds as usual. I contacted my parents, and they told meinformed me that there was an error at their bank, which has caused thea delay in the transfering the money. I am writing to kindly request you to pleaser help me in this situation. Is itWould it be possible to giverant me an extension on my credit card payment and alsto increase my withdrawal limit for this month? This will helpassistance would enable me to pay my rent and other necessary expenses until the moneyfunds from my parents arrives. I would be very grateful if you could helpassist me with this matter. Please let me know if you require any further information or documents from my side. You can contact me anytime on my mobile number or email address givenprovided below. Thank you for your kind understanding. I look forward to hearing from you soon. Your Ss sincerely, Li Wei
DeletedOriginal textAddedCorrected text

Expert Feedback

Key strengths of the essay include a clear structure that addresses the task requirements effectively, with an introduction, body paragraphs explaining the situation, and a conclusion requesting assistance. The tone is polite and appropriate for a formal letter. Critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly with capitalization and sentence structure. Additionally, the use of more varied vocabulary could enhance the letter's quality, avoiding repetition of words like 'money' and 'bank.' Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving cohesion with transitional phrases, and enhancing clarity by using synonyms for repetitive terms. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing more specific details about the urgency of the situation and the exact amount needed, which would strengthen the request. Additionally, employing more complex sentence structures could demonstrate a wider grammatical range. Overall, the tone used is appropriate for the context, maintaining a respectful and formal approach throughout the letter.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The letter is generally coherent, with a logical flow of ideas. However, some sentences could be better linked to improve the overall cohesion. For example, using more cohesive devices like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' could enhance the connection between ideas.
7.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The letter contains several grammatical errors, such as 'i' instead of 'I' and 'account with your bank for the last 6 months' which should be 'an account with your bank for the last 6 months.' While the meaning is clear, these errors affect the overall accuracy. More complex sentence structures could also be employed to demonstrate a wider grammatical range.
6.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the context, but there are some repetitive phrases, such as 'money' and 'bank.' To improve, the writer could use synonyms or more varied expressions, such as 'funds' or 'financial institution.'
7.0
Task Achievement
The letter addresses the task requirements by introducing the writer, explaining the situation, and requesting specific actions from the bank. However, it could be improved by providing more details about the account and the urgency of the situation, which would enhance the clarity and relevance of the request.
7.5

Related Writing Samples

Part 1 (General)
5.5

Your ID card has been stolen. Write to the Local Police Station, giving details of: - who you are - what happened - ask what you should do to get a new ID card

Part 1 (General)
7.0

The graphs below show the cinema attendance in Australia and the average cinema visits by different age groups from 1996 to 2000. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons.

Part 1 (General)
7.0

A large company in your area has decided to spend a certain amount of money, either to sponsor a local children's sports team for two years or to pay for two open air concerts. It has asked for feedback from the general public. Write a letter to the company. In your letter: Describe the benefits of sponsoring the sports team. Summarise the benefits of paying for the concerts. Say how you think the company should spend the money.

Part 1 (General)
6.0

In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centres or malls to do their shopping. Is this a positive or negative development?

Part 1 (General)
7.0

You and your teenage daughter visited the local library last weekend to find books for her school project. After searching for some time, you realized that the library did not have any books on the subject. This is not the first time that the library did not have something you need. Write a letter to the library manager: Describe what you were trying to find Explain why you needed the book and how you tried to find it Suggest what the library can do to help you find the information you need

Part 1 (General)
7.5

Last month you had a holiday overseas where you stayed with some friends. They have just sent you some photos of your holiday. Write a letter to your friends. In your letter: thank them for the photos and for the holiday explain why you didn't write earlier invite them to come and stay with you