You are currently taking a course at a college but you will need to have a week off during this course. Write a letter to the college Principal. In the letter give details of your course explain why you need a week off say what you want the Principal to do.
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The letter demonstrates several strengths, including a clear structure and a logical flow of ideas. The writer effectively addresses all required points, such as the course details, the reason for the absence, and a polite request for permission. However, there are critical areas for improvement, particularly in grammar and vocabulary. The corrected version addresses spelling errors, subject-verb agreement, and punctuation issues, enhancing clarity and professionalism. Additionally, transitions between ideas have been improved for better coherence. Suggestions for further improvements include varying vocabulary to avoid repetition and ensuring a more formal tone throughout the letter. Overall, the tone is appropriate for a formal request, but slight adjustments could enhance its professionalism.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The letter is generally coherent and logically structured, with clear paragraphs. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, the transition from explaining the wedding to the request for time off could be more explicitly linked to enhance flow.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The letter demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement ('how computers works' should be 'how computers work') and punctuation issues (missing apostrophes in 'sisters' and 'your'). These errors affect the overall clarity and professionalism of the letter.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the context, but there are some repetitive phrases, such as 'sister's wedding' and 'week off.' More varied vocabulary could enhance the letter. Additionally, there are minor spelling errors like 'studys' (should be 'studies') and 'permision' (should be 'permission').
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The letter addresses all the required points: it identifies the course, explains the reason for the week off, and requests permission from the Principal. However, it could be improved by providing more specific details about the course duration and perhaps a more formal request for the Principal's consideration.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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