You are going abroad on holiday and your friend will stay in your home while you are away. Write a letter to your friend. In your letter: Explain where you hide the keys Describe what your friend needs to do in your absence Say when you are coming back
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The letter demonstrates a clear understanding of the task requirements, effectively communicating the necessary information about the stay. Key strengths include a logical structure and a friendly tone appropriate for a personal letter. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly with verb forms and subject-verb agreement, as well as enhancing coherence through better transitions and clearer topic sentences. Structural changes made include correcting verb forms, improving transitions, and ensuring proper punctuation. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented include varying vocabulary further and providing more detailed instructions for the care of the fish and plants. Overall, the tone is appropriate for a friendly letter, maintaining a warm and inviting style.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The letter has a basic structure and logical flow, but there are some awkward transitions and unclear references. For example, the phrase 'about the keys' could be better linked to the following sentence. To enhance coherence, the writer could use more cohesive devices and clearer topic sentences to guide the reader through the letter.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The letter contains multiple grammatical errors, including incorrect verb forms ('I writing,' 'I will came back'), subject-verb agreement issues, and punctuation mistakes. These errors hinder clarity and detract from the overall quality of the writing. To improve, the writer should focus on using correct verb tenses and ensuring subject-verb agreement throughout the letter.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several instances of incorrect word forms and repetitive phrases, such as 'doing' instead of 'do' and 'collecting' instead of 'collect.' Additionally, phrases like 'I very appreciate' should be corrected to 'I greatly appreciate.' To improve, the writer should aim for more varied vocabulary and correct usage.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The letter addresses the task requirements by explaining where the keys are hidden, describing what the friend needs to do, and stating when the writer will return. However, the response lacks some clarity and detail, such as the specific location of the rock and the importance of the tasks. To improve, the writer could provide more context or instructions regarding the care of the fish and plants.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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