You are going to another country to study. You would like to do a part-time job while you are studying, so you want to ask a friend who lives there for some help. In your letter: Give details of your study plan. Explain why you want to get a part-time job. Suggest how your friend could help you find a job.
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The letter effectively addresses all parts of the task prompt, providing clear details about the study plan, the reasons for seeking a part-time job, and specific suggestions for how the friend can assist. The tone is appropriate for a semi-formal letter, which is suitable for the context. Key strengths of the essay include a clear structure and logical flow of ideas, with effective use of cohesive devices. However, critical areas for improvement include enhancing lexical variety to avoid repetition and correcting minor grammatical errors. Structural changes made include correcting 'Master degree' to 'Master's degree' and 'part time' to 'part-time' for grammatical accuracy. Additionally, the phrase 'assist me in finding a job' was used to vary the vocabulary. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include using synonyms for 'part-time job' and 'studying' to further enhance lexical resource. Overall, the tone used is appropriate for the context of a letter to a friend, maintaining a balance between formality and friendliness.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The letter is well-organized, with a logical flow of ideas. Each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, and cohesive devices are used effectively to link thoughts. For example, phrases like 'As you know' and 'I understand that' help maintain coherence.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The letter demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, with mostly accurate usage. There are minor errors, such as 'Master degree' which should be 'Master's degree,' and 'part time' should be 'part-time.' These do not significantly impede understanding, but correcting them would enhance the overall quality.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate and varied, with terms like 'support myself' and 'job openings.' However, there is some repetition of phrases such as 'part-time job' and 'studying.' To improve, the writer could use synonyms or rephrase to enhance lexical variety.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The letter effectively addresses all parts of the task prompt, providing clear details about the study plan, the reasons for seeking a part-time job, and specific suggestions for how the friend can assist. The tone is appropriate for a semi-formal letter, which is suitable for the context.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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