You are having a graduation party next Sunday evening. You have invited over 25 people to celebrate in your garden, which may continue late into the night. Write a letter to your elderly neighbour. In your letter: Explain what will be happening Offer your apologies in advance Invite him to join the celebration
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
Key strengths of the essay include a clear structure and the inclusion of essential details about the event, such as the date, location, and activities planned. The invitation is also a positive aspect, showing consideration for the neighbour. Critical areas for improvement include the need for a more formal tone, as well as addressing grammatical errors and spelling mistakes. The use of cohesive devices could enhance the flow between ideas, particularly when transitioning from the apology to the invitation. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving the formality of the language, and adding cohesive devices to enhance clarity. The overall flow of the letter has been improved by ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supporting details. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include varying the vocabulary further to avoid repetition and ensuring that all sentences are grammatically correct. Additionally, the writer could consider using more formal phrases to enhance the tone. The tone used in the letter is generally appropriate for a neighbour, but it could be elevated to a more formal level to better suit the context of an invitation to a significant event like a graduation party.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The letter has a logical structure, but some sentences could be better linked for smoother flow. For example, the transition between the apology and the invitation could be more cohesive. Using cohesive devices like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' could enhance the clarity of the message.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
There are several grammatical errors, including incorrect verb forms ('I writing' should be 'I am writing'), missing articles ('a graduation party'), and issues with subject-verb agreement ('we planning' should be 'we are planning'). To improve, the writer should focus on sentence structure and ensure subject-verb agreement is maintained throughout.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'peoples,' 'ocassion,' 'apologise,' 'you're,' 'quite,' 'celebraton,' 'apreciate'). To improve, the writer should proofread for spelling and consider using a wider range of vocabulary, such as 'celebration' instead of 'party' to add variety.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The letter addresses the task requirements by explaining the event, offering apologies, and inviting the neighbor. However, the tone could be more formal, and there are some minor inconsistencies in the details, such as the phrasing of the invitation. To improve, the writer could use a more polite and formal tone, such as 'I would be delighted if you could join us.'
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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