You are living in an English-speaking country. The water of the showers at the local sports centre is freezing cold and you have had several colds because of it. You have often complained at the front desk but to no avail. Write an email of complaint (120 to 140 words) to the sports centre manager and develop the following points: Ø Explain the situation. Ø Suggest some solutions. Ø Ask for compensation.
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The email effectively addresses the main points of the task, clearly explaining the issue with the showers and suggesting potential solutions. Key strengths include a logical structure and a clear articulation of the problem. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, as several errors were present, and the need for more varied vocabulary to avoid repetition. Structural changes made include correcting awkward phrasing and ensuring proper grammatical forms, such as changing 'I am feel' to 'I feel' and 'watter' to 'water.' Additionally, the overall flow was improved by adjusting some sentences for clarity and coherence. For further improvements, the writer could focus on reducing repetition by using synonyms and enhancing the variety of sentence structures. The tone used is appropriate for a formal complaint, maintaining politeness while expressing dissatisfaction.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The email has a logical structure, but some sentences are awkwardly phrased, which affects the overall flow. For example, 'I am feel like i will catch a cold' should be 'I feel like I will catch a cold.' Using more cohesive devices could enhance the clarity of the message.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
There are several grammatical errors, such as 'i' instead of 'I,' and incorrect verb forms like 'I am feel.' These errors impact the clarity of the writing. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and using a wider range of sentence structures.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary is generally appropriate, but there are some repetitive phrases, such as 'cold' and 'shower.' The use of 'watter' is a spelling error, which detracts from the overall quality. To improve, the writer could use synonyms or more varied expressions to avoid repetition.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The email addresses the main points of the task, explaining the situation and suggesting solutions. However, it could be more concise and focused, as it exceeds the word limit. To improve, the writer should aim to stay within the specified word count and ensure that all points are clearly articulated.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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