You are moving to a new home and you bought a gift for your new home. In your letter, write: Why did you buy the gift? Explain the gift. When will you visit his/her new home?
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The letter demonstrates a clear understanding of the task requirements, effectively communicating the writer's excitement about moving and the significance of the gift. Key strengths include a friendly tone and a logical flow of ideas. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly with subject-verb agreement and verb tenses, as well as enhancing lexical variety to avoid repetition. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving transitions between ideas, and varying vocabulary. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented include adding more personal reflections on the choice of the painting and using more cohesive devices to enhance the overall flow. The tone used is appropriate for a letter to a friend, maintaining warmth and enthusiasm throughout.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The letter is generally coherent, with a logical flow of ideas. However, some sentences could be better linked to enhance the overall cohesion. For example, the transition between discussing the gift and the invitation could be smoother. Using more cohesive devices, such as 'Furthermore' or 'Additionally,' could improve the flow.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The letter contains several grammatical errors, such as 'I am write' instead of 'I am writing,' and 'it have' instead of 'it has.' These errors affect the clarity of the writing. While the writer demonstrates some range in sentence structure, the frequent mistakes indicate a need for improvement. Focusing on subject-verb agreement and verb tenses would enhance accuracy.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is appropriate but somewhat repetitive, particularly with phrases like 'new home' and 'painting.' There are also some awkward phrases, such as 'little bit strange.' To enhance the lexical resource, the writer could incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and expressions, such as 'unique gift' or 'captivating artwork.'
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The letter addresses the task requirements by explaining the reason for buying the gift, describing the gift itself, and mentioning the planned visit to the new home. However, the tone is slightly informal for a letter to a friend, and the explanation of the gift could be more detailed. To improve, the writer could include more personal reflections on why the painting was chosen.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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