You are planning to go and study English at a school overseas. You would like some information about their courses. Write a letter to the school. In your letter ask about the school say what kind of accommodation you want mention any special requests you have (for example diet).
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
Key strengths of the essay include a clear structure and a polite tone, which is appropriate for a formal letter. The writer effectively addresses the task requirements by asking relevant questions about courses, accommodation, and dietary needs. Critical areas for improvement include the phrasing of questions to enhance clarity and directness, as well as the use of cohesive devices to improve the flow between paragraphs. The letter could benefit from varied vocabulary to avoid repetition and enhance lexical resource. Structural changes made include simplifying questions for clarity, improving transitions between paragraphs, and enhancing the overall conciseness of the writing. For example, 'what kind of courses do you offer in your school?' was changed to 'what courses you offer at your school?' to make it more direct. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating more varied expressions and synonyms to enhance lexical diversity, as well as ensuring all questions are phrased in a concise manner. Additionally, the writer could consider adding a brief summary of their interest in the school to strengthen the introduction. Overall, the tone used is appropriate for the context, maintaining a formal and respectful approach throughout the letter.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The letter is generally well-organized, with clear sections for each topic. However, the use of cohesive devices could be improved. For instance, using phrases like 'In addition' or 'Furthermore' could help to better link the ideas between paragraphs. The overall flow is good, but slight improvements in transitions would enhance coherence.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The letter demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, but there are some minor errors in question formation, such as 'what kind of courses do you offer in your school?' which should be 'what courses do you offer?'. Additionally, some sentences could be more concise. Overall, the grammatical accuracy is good, but there is room for improvement in sentence structure.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the context, with some repetition of phrases like 'what kind of courses' and 'I would like to know'. To improve, the writer could use synonyms or varied expressions, such as 'I am curious about the types of courses available' or 'I would appreciate information on the accommodation options'.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The letter addresses the task requirements by asking about the school, accommodation preferences, and special dietary requests. However, the phrasing of some questions could be more direct and concise. For example, instead of 'what kind of courses do you offer in your school?', it could be simplified to 'what courses do you offer?'. This would enhance clarity and directness.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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