You are studying English at a private language school attended by many international students. You are planning a surprise birthday party for a friend who has been feeling particularly sad and homesick. Write to another classmate and invite him / her to the party. In your letter: explain the reason for the party give the date and time of the party suggest what the classmate could bring to the party
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
Key strengths of the essay include a clear intention to celebrate a friend's birthday and a logical structure that outlines the details of the party. The writer effectively communicates the purpose of the letter and provides relevant information. Critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly with verb tenses and subject-verb agreement. Additionally, the vocabulary could be more varied, and some phrases could be expressed more elegantly to enhance clarity and sophistication. Structural changes made include refining the introduction for clarity, improving transitions between sentences, and correcting grammatical errors. The overall flow of the letter has been enhanced by adding cohesive devices and ensuring proper subject-verb agreement. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include expanding the vocabulary range and avoiding repetition. The writer could also consider using more formal language in certain areas to enhance the tone. The tone used is mostly appropriate for a friendly letter, but refining some informal phrases would improve the overall professionalism while maintaining warmth.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The letter has a logical structure, but some sentences lack clarity and smooth transitions. For instance, the sentence 'The reason for party is it is Maria birthday next week' could be better connected to the previous sentence. Using cohesive devices like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' could enhance the flow. Overall, while the ideas are present, the organization could be improved for better coherence.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
There are several grammatical errors throughout the letter, such as 'Maria has feeling' instead of 'Maria has been feeling' and 'we can making' instead of 'we can make.' These errors affect the overall clarity of the writing. While the writer demonstrates some range in sentence structure, the frequent mistakes hinder the overall effectiveness. To improve, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and verb tenses.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several instances of repetition and some inaccuracies, such as 'decorashun' instead of 'decoration.' Additionally, phrases like 'making her feel like she has caring friends' could be expressed more elegantly. To improve, the writer could incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and avoid repetitive phrases.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The letter addresses the task requirements by explaining the reason for the party, providing the date and time, and suggesting what the classmate could bring. However, the explanation could be more concise and clearer. For example, instead of saying 'it is Maria birthday next week,' it could be phrased as 'Maria's birthday is next week.' Additionally, the tone is mostly appropriate, but there are some informal phrases that could be refined.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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