You bought a ticket for a music concert. However, you are unable to go, so you decide to offer your ticket to a friend. Write a letter to your friend. In your letter: - Tell your friend the details about the concert - Explain why you are unable to go - Explain how your friend can receive your ticket.
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
Key strengths of the essay include a clear structure that addresses all required points, such as concert details, the reason for not attending, and instructions for ticket collection. The tone is friendly and appropriate for a letter to a friend. Critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly with subject-verb agreement and verb forms. The use of cohesive devices could be enhanced to improve the flow of ideas. Additionally, there is a need for more varied vocabulary to avoid repetition and awkward phrasing. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving sentence construction for clarity, and ensuring proper use of cohesive devices. The overall flow of the letter has been maintained while enhancing clarity and coherence. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating more idiomatic expressions and varying sentence structures to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical proficiency. Additionally, a slightly more formal tone could be adopted to enhance the overall professionalism of the letter. The tone used is appropriate for the context of a letter to a friend, maintaining a balance between informality and clarity.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The letter is generally coherent, with a logical flow of ideas. However, some sentences are awkwardly constructed, which affects the overall clarity. For example, 'I can leaving ticket at box office' should be 'I can leave the ticket at the box office'. Improved use of cohesive devices could enhance the overall fluency.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
There are multiple grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement and incorrect verb forms, such as 'i writing' and 'concert will happening'. These errors detract from the overall clarity and accuracy of the writing. A wider range of grammatical structures with fewer errors would enhance the score.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the context, but there are several instances of repetition and awkward phrasing, such as 'i have catch bad case of flu'. More varied and precise vocabulary would improve the score. Additionally, the use of idiomatic expressions is limited.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The letter addresses all the required points: it provides details about the concert, explains the reason for not attending, and describes how the friend can receive the ticket. However, the tone could be slightly more formal, and there are minor inconsistencies in the details provided, such as the phrasing of 'I am purchase' instead of 'I purchased'.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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