You eat at your college cafeteria every lunch time. However, you think it needs some improvements. Write a letter to the college magazine. In your letter, explain what you like about the cafeteria say what is wrong with it suggest how it could be improved
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The letter effectively addresses all parts of the task, clearly outlining the writer's appreciation for the cafeteria, identifying issues, and suggesting improvements. Key strengths include a logical organization and clear paragraph structure, which enhance coherence and cohesion. However, the tone could be more formal in some areas, and there is a need for greater lexical variety to avoid repetition. Minor grammatical errors, such as 'I have a some suggestions,' were corrected to improve accuracy. The overall structure was maintained, with slight adjustments to enhance clarity and formality. For further improvement, the writer could incorporate more varied linking phrases and synonyms to enrich the vocabulary. The tone used is generally appropriate for a letter to the editors, but a more formal approach could strengthen the overall impact.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The letter is logically organized, with clear paragraphs that each focus on a specific aspect of the cafeteria. Cohesive devices are used effectively, such as 'first of all' and 'however,' which help guide the reader through the points made. Minor improvements could include more varied linking phrases.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The grammatical structures used are generally accurate, with a good range of sentence types. There are minor errors, such as 'I have a some suggestions,' which should be 'I have some suggestions.' Overall, the clarity and effectiveness of the writing are maintained despite these small mistakes.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is appropriate and conveys the intended meaning well. Phrases like 'decent variety' and 'crisp vegetables' demonstrate a good range. However, there are some repetitive phrases, such as 'cafeteria' and 'issues,' which could be replaced with synonyms to enhance lexical variety.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The letter effectively addresses all parts of the task by explaining what the writer likes about the cafeteria, identifying issues, and suggesting improvements. The response is relevant and well-developed, although it could benefit from a more formal tone in some areas.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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