You have a favorite pet. Describe this pet and explain why it is your favorite.
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The essay demonstrates a clear affection for the pet and provides personal anecdotes that enhance the narrative. Key strengths include a heartfelt expression of feelings towards Robert and a basic structure that includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly in verb forms and subject-verb agreement, as well as clarity in phrasing. The original essay had several awkward constructions and spelling errors that detracted from the overall quality. The revised version addresses these issues by correcting grammatical errors, improving sentence structure, and enhancing clarity. Structural changes made include correcting the introduction for clarity and coherence, ensuring proper verb tenses, and improving the flow between sentences with appropriate transitions. Additionally, spelling errors were corrected, and repetitive phrases were varied to enhance lexical resource. For further improvements, the writer could focus on expanding vocabulary and using more complex sentence structures to convey ideas more effectively. Additionally, incorporating more cohesive devices could improve the overall flow of the essay. The tone used is appropriate for a personal narrative, conveying warmth and affection towards the pet, which aligns well with the task requirements.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is somewhat disjointed, and there are instances of awkward phrasing. For example, 'the favorite pet, it the dog' could be rephrased for clarity. To enhance coherence, the writer should use more cohesive devices and ensure logical progression between sentences.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The writing contains numerous grammatical errors, including incorrect verb forms ('I have him since the 6 years'), subject-verb agreement issues ('Robert very friendly dog'), and awkward constructions. These errors hinder clarity and accuracy. To improve, the writer should focus on using correct grammatical structures and ensuring subject-verb agreement.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several repetitive phrases and spelling errors (e.g., 'hapi', 'loyality', 'pupy'). The writer does use some descriptive language, but there is room for improvement in variety and accuracy. To enhance this score, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and check for spelling errors.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The response addresses the task by describing the pet and explaining why it is the favorite. However, there are some inconsistencies in the narrative, such as the incorrect use of tenses and phrases that could be clearer. To improve, the writer should ensure that the timeline is consistent and that all ideas are fully developed.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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