You have just spent a weekend staying at the Lilo Hotel in Adelaide. When you get home you find that you have left a bag at the hotel. Write a letter to the hotel manager. In your letter: explain what happened describe the bag and its contents say what you would like the manager to do
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
Key strengths of the essay include a clear identification of the issue and a polite request for assistance, which aligns with the task requirements. The letter maintains a generally appropriate tone throughout. Critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly with verb forms and sentence structures, as well as enhancing coherence through better transitions and cohesive devices. The vocabulary could also be more varied to avoid repetition and improve the overall tone. Structural changes made include improving the clarity of the introduction and body paragraphs, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supporting details. Additionally, I adjusted some phrases for grammatical accuracy and coherence. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating more descriptive language and synonyms to enhance the letter's tone and making the request more direct and polite. Overall, the tone used is appropriate for a formal letter, maintaining respect and politeness throughout.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The letter has a logical flow, but some sentences are awkwardly constructed, which affects clarity. The use of cohesive devices is limited, and transitions between ideas could be smoother. To improve, the writer could use linking words and phrases to better connect ideas and enhance the overall coherence of the letter.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
There are several grammatical errors, including incorrect verb forms and sentence structures (e.g., 'I was stayed' should be 'I stayed'). These errors occasionally hinder understanding. However, the overall meaning is still conveyed. To improve, the writer should focus on using correct verb tenses and sentence structures, and proofread for minor errors.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition (e.g., 'bag' is used multiple times). The writer uses some basic vocabulary effectively, but there is room for more varied and sophisticated word choices. To improve, the writer could incorporate synonyms and more descriptive language to enhance the letter's tone.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The letter addresses the task requirements by explaining what happened, describing the bag and its contents, and requesting assistance from the manager. However, the explanation could be clearer and more structured. For improvement, the writer could provide a more detailed description of the bag and its contents, and ensure that the request is more direct and polite.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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