You have lost an item of value on a train. Write a letter to the railway company.

Part 1 (General)
8.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to you regarding my recent trip on one of your trains, where I haveduring which I lost a valuable item. The item in question is my laptop, which is very important to me as it contains all of my work files and personal documents. I was traveling on the train from London to Manchester on the 15th of September, and I believe I left my laptop on the train when I got off at Manchester Piccadilly station. I was in a rush to get off the traindisembark and must have accidentally left it behind in my seat. I would be greatly appreciated it if you could please check the lost and found department to see if my laptop has been turned in. The laptop is a silver MacBook Pro with a black case, and it has my name and contact information on a sticker on the bottom. I understand that losing my laptop was my own fault, and I take full responsibility for it. However, I would be incredibly grateful if you could assist me in locating it. If there is any way you could help me find it, I would be willing to pay any necessary fees or charges. Thank you for your attention to this matter. I would appreciate a response at your earliest convenience, as I am eager to recover my laptop. I look forward to hearing back from you soon. Sincerely, John Smith
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Expert Feedback

Key strengths of the essay include a clear articulation of the issue, relevant details about the lost item, and an appropriate formal tone throughout the letter. The organization is logical, with smooth transitions between paragraphs. Critical areas for improvement involve addressing minor grammatical errors and varying vocabulary to avoid repetition. Structural changes made include refining the request for assistance and adding a specific request for a timeline for response. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating more varied sentence structures and enhancing lexical diversity. The tone used is appropriate for a formal letter, maintaining respect and clarity in the request.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The letter is well-organized, with a logical flow of information. Each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, maintaining clarity throughout. Cohesive devices are used effectively, such as 'however' and 'I would be greatly appreciated if you could please check...' which help in linking ideas. Minor improvements could include varying sentence structures to enhance the overall fluency.
8.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The letter demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, with mostly accurate usage. There are minor errors, such as 'I would be greatly appreciated' which should be 'I would greatly appreciate it if you could...'. Overall, the grammatical accuracy is strong, but addressing these small issues would enhance clarity and precision.
7.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate and conveys the message clearly. Phrases like 'I take full responsibility' and 'I would be incredibly grateful' demonstrate a good range of expression. However, there is some repetition of phrases such as 'I would be' which could be varied for a more sophisticated lexical resource. Incorporating more varied vocabulary could elevate the score further.
7.5
Task Achievement
The letter effectively addresses the task by clearly stating the issue of the lost laptop and providing relevant details such as the date of travel, the train route, and a description of the item. The tone is appropriate for a formal letter, and the request for assistance is clearly articulated. To improve further, the writer could include a specific request for a timeline for response or mention any previous communication regarding the lost item.
8.0

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