You have received a letter from your bank asking you to acknowledge receipt of a new bank card. However, the card was missing from the envelope. Write a letter to the bank's head office. In your letter: Explain why you are writing Express concern about the missing card Ask them what they intend to do Write at least 150 words.
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The essay demonstrates several strengths, including a clear structure and appropriate tone for a formal letter. The writer effectively addresses the task by stating the reason for writing, expressing concern, and requesting action from the bank. However, there are critical areas for improvement, such as correcting minor grammatical errors and reducing repetition in vocabulary. The structural changes made include correcting the lowercase 'i' to 'I' and adding 'a' before 'new bank card' for clarity. Additionally, the phrase 'I would appreciate if you could update me' was corrected to 'I would appreciate it if you could update me.' For further improvements, the writer could include specific details such as the date of the letter received or account information for easier reference. Overall, the tone is formal and appropriate for the context.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The letter is well-organized, with a logical flow of ideas. Each paragraph serves a clear purpose, and cohesive devices are used effectively to link sentences and ideas. For instance, phrases like 'However' and 'This situation has caused me' help in maintaining coherence. Minor improvements could include varying the sentence structure to enhance the overall fluency.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The letter demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, with mostly accurate usage. There are minor errors, such as the lowercase 'i' in 'i recently received,' which detracts from the overall professionalism of the letter. Additionally, the phrase 'I would appreciate if you could update me' should be 'I would appreciate it if you could update me.' Addressing these errors would improve the score.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is appropriate and conveys the message clearly. Phrases like 'highly inconvenient' and 'rectify this situation' demonstrate a good range of vocabulary. However, there is some repetition of words such as 'card' and 'situation.' To enhance the score, the writer could incorporate synonyms or more varied expressions.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The letter effectively addresses all parts of the task. It clearly states the reason for writing, expresses concern about the missing card, and asks what the bank intends to do. The tone is appropriate for a formal letter, and the ideas are well-developed. To improve further, the writer could include specific details such as the date of the letter received or account information for easier reference.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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