You have recently been on a trip to Canada. Write a letter to your friend in which you describe your experience there. Include details about the places you visited, the people you met, and how you felt during your trip.
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The letter effectively describes the trip to Canada, highlighting various locations and experiences, which is a key strength. However, it lacks depth in emotional expression and contains several grammatical errors that hinder clarity. The structure is basic but could benefit from improved coherence through the use of linking words and phrases. The corrected version addresses grammatical inaccuracies, enhances vocabulary usage, and improves transitions between ideas. Further improvements could include adding more personal reflections on the experiences and feelings during the trip. The tone is appropriate for a personal letter, maintaining a friendly and conversational style.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The letter has a basic structure and some logical sequencing, but it lacks effective cohesive devices. There are abrupt transitions between ideas, which can confuse the reader. To enhance coherence, the writer could use more linking words and phrases to connect thoughts, such as 'Additionally,' 'Furthermore,' or 'In contrast.'
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The letter contains several grammatical errors, including verb tense inconsistencies and subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., 'I has been,' 'the city have'). These errors affect clarity and accuracy. To improve, the writer should focus on using correct verb forms and ensuring subject-verb agreement throughout the text.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition and inaccuracies, such as 'I has been' instead of 'I was' and 'call poutine' instead of 'called poutine.' The writer could improve by using a wider range of vocabulary and ensuring correct usage, such as 'I tried some food called poutine.'
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The letter addresses the prompt by describing the trip to Canada, including places visited and experiences. However, it lacks some detail and depth in certain areas, such as the feelings during the trip. To improve, the writer could elaborate more on their emotions and experiences at each location.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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