You have recently ordered an item from the Internet, but are not happy with the purchase. Write to the company in your letter. Describe what you purchased Explain why you are not happy with the purchase Tell them what you would like them to do about the situation
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
Key strengths of the essay include a clear structure, appropriate tone for a formal complaint, and effective use of cohesive devices. The letter addresses all parts of the task prompt, clearly describing the purchased item, reasons for dissatisfaction, and the desired resolution. Critical areas for improvement involve providing more specific details about the order, such as the order number, which was added in the corrected version. Additionally, varying the vocabulary to reduce repetition of words like 'case' and 'received' would enhance lexical resource. Structural changes made include the addition of the order number for specificity, which strengthens the complaint. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include using synonyms for repeated words and varying sentence structures to enhance sophistication. The tone used is appropriate for the context, maintaining formality and clarity throughout the letter.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The letter is well-organized, with a logical flow of ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the complaint, making it easy to follow. Cohesive devices are used effectively, such as 'however' and 'moreover,' which enhance the clarity of the message. To achieve a higher score, the writer could vary the use of cohesive devices even more.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The letter demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, with mostly accurate usage. Sentences are well-formed, and the writer uses complex structures effectively. There are no significant grammatical errors, but minor improvements could be made in sentence variety to enhance sophistication.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is appropriate and varied, with terms like 'dissatisfaction,' 'rectify,' and 'premium price' demonstrating a good range. There is some repetition of words like 'case' and 'received,' which could be improved by using synonyms or rephrasing. Overall, the lexical choices are effective for the context.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The letter effectively addresses all parts of the task prompt, clearly describing the purchased item, the reasons for dissatisfaction, and the desired resolution. The tone is appropriate for a formal complaint, and the request for a replacement is clearly articulated. To improve further, the writer could provide more specific details about the order, such as the order number or date of purchase.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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