You have recently started work in a new company. Write a letter to an English-speaking friend. In your letter, explain why you changed jobs describe your new job tell him / her your other news
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
Key strengths of the essay include a clear structure and the ability to address all parts of the task effectively. The writer successfully conveys personal news and job changes, maintaining a friendly tone throughout. Critical areas for improvement involve grammatical accuracy, particularly with verb forms and sentence structure. Additionally, enhancing coherence through better transitions and varying vocabulary would strengthen the writing. Structural changes made include correcting verb tenses and improving clarity in certain phrases. For example, 'I writing' was corrected to 'I am writing,' and 'i have change' was changed to 'I have changed.' These adjustments improve grammatical accuracy and overall clarity. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing more specific details about the new company and the nature of the work, as well as using more varied vocabulary to avoid repetition. The tone used is appropriate for a personal letter, maintaining a friendly and conversational style while sharing significant life updates.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The letter is generally well-organized, with a clear progression of ideas. However, some sentences could be better linked for smoother flow. For example, the transition between discussing the job change and the new job could be more cohesive. Using more cohesive devices, such as 'Furthermore' or 'In addition,' could enhance the overall coherence.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
There are several grammatical errors, including incorrect verb forms ('I writing' should be 'I am writing,' 'i have change' should be 'I have changed,' and 'I join' should be 'I joined'). These errors affect the overall clarity of the writing. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and ensuring correct verb tenses.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is mostly appropriate, but there are instances of repetition and awkward phrasing, such as 'I was not feeling the job satisfaction' and 'I got the opportunity in a new company.' To improve, the writer could use synonyms or more varied expressions, such as 'I was dissatisfied with my previous job' or 'I received an offer from a new company.'
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The letter addresses all parts of the task, explaining the reason for changing jobs, describing the new job, and sharing personal news. However, there are minor issues with clarity and detail, such as the phrase 'not feeling the job satisfaction from long time,' which could be more clearly expressed as 'had not felt job satisfaction for a long time.' To improve, the writer could provide more specific details about the new company or the nature of the work.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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