You have seen an advertisement for a community college that needs teachers for night classes. Write a letter to the community college. In your letter: say which advertisement you are answering describe which course(s) you want to teach, and what it/they would be about explain why you would be a suitable teacher
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
Key strengths of the essay include a clear response to the task, relevant content, and a logical flow of ideas. The writer effectively outlines their qualifications and enthusiasm for teaching. Critical areas for improvement involve grammatical accuracy, particularly in the introduction and throughout the letter, as well as enhancing transitions between paragraphs. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, refining the introduction for clarity, and improving transitions with words like 'Additionally' and 'Furthermore.' Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include varying vocabulary to avoid repetition and ensuring a more diverse range of sentence structures. The tone used is appropriate for a formal letter, maintaining professionalism throughout.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The letter is generally coherent, with a logical flow of ideas. Each paragraph has a clear focus, and the use of cohesive devices is appropriate. However, some transitions could be smoother, particularly between the description of the course and the explanation of the writer's suitability. For example, using phrases like 'Furthermore' or 'Additionally' could enhance the flow. Overall, the organization is good but could benefit from slight improvements in linking ideas.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The letter demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors, such as 'which stating' and 'a teachers.' These errors affect the overall clarity and professionalism of the letter. While the writer shows an ability to construct complex sentences, the presence of these mistakes indicates a need for greater accuracy. To improve, the writer should proofread for grammatical errors and ensure subject-verb agreement.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the context, with some sophisticated terms related to psychology. However, there are instances of repetition, such as the word 'psychology' appearing multiple times in close proximity. To enhance the lexical resource, the writer could incorporate synonyms or related terms to avoid redundancy. Overall, the range of vocabulary is good, but there is room for more variety.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The letter effectively addresses the task by responding to the advertisement for teaching night classes and clearly stating the course the writer wishes to teach. The content is relevant and well-developed, but there are minor issues with clarity in the opening sentence and some awkward phrasing, such as 'which stating' and 'I am would be.' To improve, the writer could ensure grammatical accuracy and refine the introduction for better clarity.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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