You have seen an advertisement in an Australian magazine for someone to live with a family for six months and look after their six-year-old child. Write a letter to the parents. In your letter explain why you would like the job give details of why you would be a suitable person to employ say how you would spend your free time while you are in Australia

Part 1 (General)
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

Dear Sir and Madam, I am writing to apply for the job you advertised in "Australian Family" magazine, looking for someone to live and take care of your 6-year's -old child. I would very much like to be considered for this role. I am interested in this position because for many reasons. First is that i, I have always wanted to visit Australia and see the beautiful country. SThe second reason, is that I love working with childrens, and have a lot of experience looking after them. Finally, this would be a perfect chance for me to improved my eEnglish skills and learn about aAustralian culture. In my opinion, I am well suited for this job. I have worked in a daycare center for 3 years, where I takeook care of kids from aged 4 to 8 years old. Alsodditionally, I have 2 younger brothers who im I often looked after when my parent as were busy. I am very patient, kind, and creative. I always try to come up with new games and activities for children to enjoy., such as arts and crafts and outdoor play. During my free time, I would loved to explore your cities and nature. I really want to see the Sydney Opera House and the Great Barrier Reef. Also I amI am also interest toed in learn surfing, since Iing to surf, as I have heared that Australia has some of the best beaches in the world for this sport. Of course, I will also use my free time to study and improve my eEnglish language skills. Thank you for considering my applications. I am very excited about the possibility tof liveing in Australia and helping to take care of you'rer child. Please let me know if you need any additional information. Your's sincerely, [Your Name]
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Expert Feedback

The letter demonstrates a clear understanding of the task requirements, expressing interest in the job and providing reasons for suitability. Key strengths include a logical flow of ideas and a clear expression of enthusiasm for the position. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, vocabulary range, and the need for smoother transitions between ideas. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving coherence with cohesive devices, and enhancing clarity by providing specific examples of activities with children. Further improvements could involve elaborating on specific responsibilities in the daycare and using a wider range of vocabulary. The tone used is appropriate for a job application, maintaining professionalism and enthusiasm.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The letter has a logical flow, but some sentences are awkwardly constructed, which affects clarity. For instance, the transition between ideas could be smoother. Using more cohesive devices, such as 'Furthermore' or 'In addition,' would enhance the overall coherence. A clearer paragraph structure would also help in organizing the information more effectively.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
There are several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('childrens' should be 'children'), incorrect verb forms ('take care of kids' should be 'took care of kids'), and punctuation mistakes. While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition and some inaccuracies, such as '6 year's old' instead of '6-year-old' and 'improved' instead of 'improve.' Additionally, phrases like 'I am interest' should be corrected to 'I am interested.' To improve, the writer could incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and idiomatic expressions.
6.0
Task Achievement
The letter addresses the task requirements by expressing interest in the job, providing reasons for suitability, and mentioning how free time would be spent. However, there are some areas that could be improved, such as providing more specific examples of experience with children and a clearer structure. For example, elaborating on specific activities or responsibilities in the daycare could strengthen the application.
6.5

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