You live in a rented apartment with a roommate. You are dissatisfied with your roommate's behavior and have decided to write a letter to the landlord to request a change in roommate. In your letter: - Explain your reasons for being dissatisfied with your roommate - Describe the kind of roommate you would like to have - Request the landlord's help in finding a new roommate
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
Key strengths of the essay include a clear expression of the issues faced with the current roommate and a polite request for assistance from the landlord. The letter maintains a respectful tone throughout, which is appropriate for the context. Critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, as there were several errors in verb forms and sentence structures. Additionally, the letter could benefit from a more structured approach, with clearer transitions between ideas to enhance coherence. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving the flow of ideas with cohesive devices, and ensuring proper paragraphing. The introduction was clarified, and the overview of the desired qualities in a new roommate was made more concise. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing specific examples of how the current situation affects daily life, which would enhance the task achievement score. Additionally, varying the vocabulary further could improve the lexical resource score. Overall, the tone used is appropriate, maintaining a formal and respectful approach while addressing the landlord's role in resolving the issue.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The letter has a basic structure, but the flow of ideas is somewhat disjointed. There are some logical connections, but the use of cohesive devices is limited. To improve, the writer could use more linking words and phrases to enhance the overall coherence, such as 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' to connect ideas more smoothly.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The letter contains several grammatical errors, including incorrect verb forms and sentence structures (e.g., 'I writing you', 'I would liking'). These errors affect clarity and accuracy. To improve, the writer should focus on using correct verb tenses and sentence constructions, as well as proofreading for grammatical mistakes.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several instances of repetition and awkward phrasing (e.g., 'I not feel comfortable', 'consider and respectful'). There are also some spelling errors (e.g., 'enviornment', 'apreciate'). To improve, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and check for spelling accuracy.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The letter addresses the task requirements by explaining the dissatisfaction with the current roommate, describing the desired qualities of a new roommate, and requesting the landlord's assistance. However, the explanation could be more detailed and structured. For improvement, the writer could provide specific examples of the issues faced and clarify the impact on their daily life.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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