You live in a room in college which you share with another student. However, there are many problems with this arrangement and you find it difficult to work. Write a letter to the accommodation officer. In the letter: describe the situation explain your problems and why it is difficult to work say what kind of accommodation you would prefer

Part 1 (General)
8.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

Dear Accommodation Officer, I am writing to you because I have some problems with my current living situation in the college. I am sharing a room with another student, and it is very difficult for me to study and complete my work. Firstly, my roommate is very noisy and often plays loud music or watches TV at high volume. This makes it hard for me to concentrate on my studies, especially when I need to focus on important assignments or prepare for exams. Additionally, my roommate often has friends over late at night, which disrupts my sleep schedule and leaves me feeling tired during my classes the next day. For instance, last week, I was unable to complete my project on time due to the constant noise, which significantly affected my grades. Secondly, my roommate is not very clean and does not help with keeping our shared space tidy. There are often dirty dishes, laundry, and trash scattered around the room, which creates an unpleasant living environment. I have tried to talk to my roommate about this issue, but they do not seem to care or make any effort to change their behaviour. Due to these problems, I am finding it very challenging to live and study in my current accommodation. I would greatly appreciate it if you could please consider providing me with a single room instead. Having my own space would allow me to create a quiet and clean environment that is more conducive to studying and getting enough rest. I understand that single rooms may be in high demand, but I would be very grateful if you could please give my request serious consideration. My academic success is very important to me, and I believe that having more suitable accommodation would make a significant difference in my ability to focus on my studies and achieve my goals. Thank you for your time and attention to this matter. I look forward to hearing back from you soon. Sincerely, [Your Name]
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Expert Feedback

Key strengths of the essay include a clear structure with well-organized paragraphs that effectively address the task requirements. The tone is appropriate for a formal letter, and the request is articulated clearly. Critical areas for improvement involve providing more specific examples to illustrate the impact of the issues on the writer's studies, as well as varying the vocabulary to avoid repetition. Additionally, employing more complex sentence structures could enhance the overall quality of the writing. Structural changes made include correcting 'sharing room' to 'sharing a room' for grammatical accuracy and adding a specific example of how the noise affected the writer's project to strengthen the argument. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include varying the use of cohesive devices and incorporating more diverse vocabulary to enhance lexical resource. The tone used is appropriate for the context, maintaining a formal and respectful approach throughout the letter.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The letter is well-organized, with clear paragraphs that logically progress from one idea to the next. Cohesive devices are used effectively, such as 'firstly' and 'secondly,' which help guide the reader through the points made. Minor improvements could include varying the use of cohesive devices to enhance flow.
8.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The letter demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, with mostly accurate usage. There are a few minor errors, such as 'sharing room' instead of 'sharing a room,' but these do not significantly impede understanding. More complex sentence structures could be employed to enhance the overall quality.
7.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate and conveys the message clearly. Phrases like 'disrupts my sleep schedule' and 'conducive to studying' demonstrate a good range of vocabulary. However, there is some repetition of words like 'roommate' and 'study,' which could be varied for a higher score.
7.5
Task Achievement
The letter effectively addresses all parts of the task by describing the situation, explaining the problems, and stating the preferred accommodation. The tone is appropriate for a formal letter, and the request is clearly articulated. To improve further, the writer could provide more specific examples of how the noise and mess have impacted their studies.
8.0

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