You live in an area that is a well-known tourist destination. Write an essay describing the place and explaining how you would promote tourism there.
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the task and presents several ideas for promoting tourism. 1. Key strengths of the essay include a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, as well as a focus on relevant promotional strategies. 2. Critical areas for improvement include the need for more specific details about the location and its attractions, better transitions between ideas, and a reduction in spelling and grammatical errors. 3. Structural changes made include correcting verb forms, improving subject-verb agreement, and enhancing the flow of ideas with better transitions. 4. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating more vivid descriptions of the natural scenery and historical buildings, using a wider range of vocabulary, and employing more complex sentence structures to demonstrate grammatical range. 5. The tone used is appropriate for the task, being informative and persuasive, which is suitable for promoting tourism.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is somewhat disjointed, and transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be improved. For example, using cohesive devices like 'firstly', 'additionally', and 'finally' would help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including incorrect verb forms ('I living', 'is make'), subject-verb agreement issues ('the place I am living in have'), and awkward constructions. While the meaning is generally clear, improving grammatical accuracy and using a wider range of sentence structures would significantly enhance the writing. For instance, using conditional sentences or complex structures could demonstrate greater grammatical range.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'beautifull', 'webite', 'activitys', 'destinantion') and some repetitive phrases. To enhance the score, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and ensure correct spelling. Incorporating more sophisticated terms related to tourism and promotion would also be beneficial.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The essay addresses the task by describing the area and suggesting ways to promote tourism. However, it lacks specific details about the location and its attractions, which would enhance the response. To improve, the writer could include more vivid descriptions of the natural scenery and historical buildings, as well as specific examples of activities tourists can enjoy.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
Related Writing Samples
Your ID card has been stolen. Write to the Local Police Station, giving details of: - who you are - what happened - ask what you should do to get a new ID card
The graphs below show the cinema attendance in Australia and the average cinema visits by different age groups from 1996 to 2000. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons.
A large company in your area has decided to spend a certain amount of money, either to sponsor a local children's sports team for two years or to pay for two open air concerts. It has asked for feedback from the general public. Write a letter to the company. In your letter: Describe the benefits of sponsoring the sports team. Summarise the benefits of paying for the concerts. Say how you think the company should spend the money.
In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centres or malls to do their shopping. Is this a positive or negative development?
You and your teenage daughter visited the local library last weekend to find books for her school project. After searching for some time, you realized that the library did not have any books on the subject. This is not the first time that the library did not have something you need. Write a letter to the library manager: Describe what you were trying to find Explain why you needed the book and how you tried to find it Suggest what the library can do to help you find the information you need
Last month you had a holiday overseas where you stayed with some friends. They have just sent you some photos of your holiday. Write a letter to your friends. In your letter: thank them for the photos and for the holiday explain why you didn't write earlier invite them to come and stay with you