You ordered a new check book from your bank two weeks ago but you have received nothing. Write a letter to the manager complaining about the bad service. Say when and how you ordered the cheque book. Ask how much longer you will have to wait and ask the manager what action he will take over this matter.
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
Key strengths of the essay include a clear identification of the issue and relevant details about the situation, which effectively address the task prompt. The letter maintains a logical flow of ideas, but it could benefit from improved cohesion through the use of transitional phrases. Critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly in verb tenses and subject-verb agreement, as well as the use of more varied vocabulary to avoid repetition. Structural changes made include the addition of a more formal introduction and conclusion, as well as clearer paragraph separation. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include varying sentence structures and enhancing the overall formality of the tone. The tone used is generally appropriate for a formal complaint letter, but it could be slightly more polished.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The letter is generally coherent, with a logical flow of ideas. However, some sentences could be better linked to enhance cohesion. For example, using transitional phrases could improve the overall clarity. Additionally, the use of paragraphs could help organize the content more effectively.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
There are several grammatical errors, such as 'I have ordered' instead of 'I ordered' and 'this have caused' instead of 'this has caused.' While the meaning is clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. A wider range of sentence structures would also enhance the writing.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is mostly appropriate, but there are some repetitive phrases, such as 'check book' and 'bank.' More varied vocabulary could enhance the letter. Additionally, the use of 'complaint' instead of 'complain' in the opening sentence would improve accuracy.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The letter addresses the task prompt effectively by stating the issue, providing details about the order, and asking relevant questions. However, it could be improved by including a more formal tone and a clearer structure, such as a more explicit introduction and conclusion.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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