You read an advertisement in the local newspaper related to the sale in the city mall on certain products. However, when you went for shopping, the sale had ended. Write a letter to the mall manager. In your letter: inform him when you went to the mall explain how you reacted when you knew that the sale had ended demand compensation for the goods you wanted to buy
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
Key strengths of the essay include a clear structure, appropriate tone, and effective communication of the writer's disappointment and request for compensation. The letter is well-organized, with a logical progression of ideas and effective use of cohesive devices. Critical areas for improvement involve enhancing lexical variety by replacing repetitive phrases with synonyms, such as using 'promotion' or 'discount event' instead of repeatedly saying 'the sale'. This would enrich the vocabulary and make the writing more engaging. Structural changes made include the replacement of 'sale' with 'promotion' and 'discount' in a few instances to improve lexical resource. Additionally, the introduction was slightly rephrased for clarity. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include varying sentence structures more extensively and incorporating more complex vocabulary to further enhance the overall quality of the writing. The tone used is appropriate for a formal letter, maintaining professionalism while clearly expressing dissatisfaction and a request for resolution.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The letter is well-organized, with a clear progression of ideas. Each paragraph logically follows from the previous one, and cohesive devices are used effectively to link thoughts. For example, phrases like 'However' and 'When I inquired' help to guide the reader through the narrative.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The letter demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, with mostly accurate usage. Sentences are well-formed, and the writer uses complex structures effectively. There are no significant grammatical errors, which contributes to the overall clarity of the message.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is appropriate and varied, with terms like 'disappointed', 'frustrated', and 'misleading' effectively conveying the writer's feelings. However, there are some repetitive phrases, such as 'the sale', which could be replaced with synonyms to enhance lexical variety. For instance, using 'promotion' or 'discount event' could add richness.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The letter effectively addresses all parts of the task prompt, including when the writer visited the mall, their reaction to discovering the sale had ended, and a request for compensation. The tone is appropriate for a formal letter, and the writer clearly articulates their disappointment and request for a resolution.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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