You recently attended a meeting at a hotel. When you returned home, you found that you had left some important papers at the hotel. Write a letter to the hotel manager. In your letter: explain what happened describe the papers you left suggest a way for the hotel to return the papers to you
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
Key strengths of the essay include a clear structure and a logical progression of ideas. The writer effectively communicates the issue and provides necessary contact information. However, critical areas for improvement include the use of a more formal tone, correcting grammatical errors, and enhancing vocabulary to avoid repetition and informality. Structural changes made include correcting verb forms, improving sentence structure, and adding cohesive devices to enhance flow. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include varying sentence lengths and incorporating more formal vocabulary. The tone used in the original letter was somewhat informal, which has been adjusted to be more appropriate for a letter to a hotel manager.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The letter has a logical structure, but the flow of ideas could be improved. Some sentences are short and lack connection, which affects the overall coherence. Using more cohesive devices, such as 'firstly', 'next', and 'finally', could enhance the clarity of the message.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
There are several grammatical errors, including incorrect verb forms ('i have big problem', 'i attend meeting'), missing articles ('in you hotel'), and punctuation issues. While the meaning is generally clear, improving grammatical accuracy and using a wider range of sentence structures would enhance the overall quality.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition (e.g., 'papers', 'important') and informal language ('big problem', 'many peoples'). To improve, the writer could use synonyms and more formal expressions to convey urgency and importance.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The letter addresses the task requirements by explaining what happened, describing the papers left behind, and suggesting ways for the hotel to return them. However, the tone is somewhat informal for a letter to a hotel manager, and there are minor inconsistencies in the details provided. To improve, the writer could use a more formal tone and ensure clarity in the request.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
Related Writing Samples
Your ID card has been stolen. Write to the Local Police Station, giving details of: - who you are - what happened - ask what you should do to get a new ID card
The graphs below show the cinema attendance in Australia and the average cinema visits by different age groups from 1996 to 2000. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons.
A large company in your area has decided to spend a certain amount of money, either to sponsor a local children's sports team for two years or to pay for two open air concerts. It has asked for feedback from the general public. Write a letter to the company. In your letter: Describe the benefits of sponsoring the sports team. Summarise the benefits of paying for the concerts. Say how you think the company should spend the money.
In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centres or malls to do their shopping. Is this a positive or negative development?
You and your teenage daughter visited the local library last weekend to find books for her school project. After searching for some time, you realized that the library did not have any books on the subject. This is not the first time that the library did not have something you need. Write a letter to the library manager: Describe what you were trying to find Explain why you needed the book and how you tried to find it Suggest what the library can do to help you find the information you need
Last month you had a holiday overseas where you stayed with some friends. They have just sent you some photos of your holiday. Write a letter to your friends. In your letter: thank them for the photos and for the holiday explain why you didn't write earlier invite them to come and stay with you