You recently booked a part-time course at a college. You need to cancel your booking. Say which part-time course you booked. Explain why you need to cancel your booking. Ask about booking a different course.
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
Key strengths of the essay include a clear identification of the course booked, a well-explained reason for cancellation, and a polite inquiry about alternative courses. The letter maintains a logical flow of ideas, which contributes to its coherence. Critical areas for improvement involve grammatical accuracy, particularly with verb forms and subject-verb agreement. Additionally, the tone could be slightly more formal, and the request for a different course could be articulated more clearly. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, enhancing the formality of the tone, and improving cohesion between paragraphs. For instance, the transition between the cancellation reason and the request for a different course was smoothed out. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include varying vocabulary to avoid repetition and ensuring that all sentences are grammatically correct. The writer could also consider adding a more formal closing statement to enhance the overall tone. The tone used is generally appropriate for a formal letter, but slight adjustments could elevate its professionalism further.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The letter is generally coherent, with a logical flow of ideas. However, some sentences could be better linked for improved cohesion. For example, the transition between the cancellation reason and the request for a different course could be smoother.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
There are several grammatical errors, including incorrect verb forms ('I am write' should be 'I am writing') and subject-verb agreement issues ('my work schedule have' should be 'my work schedule has'). These errors affect clarity and professionalism. To improve, the writer should proofread for grammatical accuracy and ensure proper sentence structure.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the context, but there are some repetitive phrases, such as 'part-time course' and 'Modern Painting Techniques.' To improve, the writer could use synonyms or rephrase to avoid repetition. Additionally, some word choices, like 'you're' instead of 'your,' detract from the overall quality.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The letter effectively addresses all parts of the task: it identifies the course booked, explains the reason for cancellation, and inquires about alternative courses. However, the tone could be slightly more formal, and the request for a different course could be clearer.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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