You recently borrowed an important textbook from your classmate. Unfortunately, you accidentally spilled coffee on it and damaged some of the pages. Write a letter to your classmate. In your letter: - Apologize for damaging the book - Explain how the damage occurred - Offer to replace the book or pay for the damage
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
Key strengths of the essay include addressing all parts of the task, such as apologising for the damage, explaining how it occurred, and offering to replace the book or pay for the damage. The letter has a logical flow, which is essential for coherence. Critical areas for improvement include the need for a more formal tone, clearer transitions between ideas, and the correction of grammatical errors. The vocabulary used was generally appropriate, but there were instances of repetition and misused words that needed attention. Structural changes made include correcting the salutation to a more formal 'Dear [Classmate's Name]' and ensuring proper use of tenses and subject-verb agreement throughout the letter. Additionally, awkward phrases were rephrased for clarity, and the overall tone was adjusted to be more formal. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include varying the vocabulary further to avoid repetition and enhancing the use of cohesive devices to improve the flow of ideas. The tone used in the letter is now more appropriate for a formal apology, which is essential in this context.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The letter has a logical flow, but some sentences are awkwardly constructed, which affects clarity. For example, 'I was study in coffee shop' should be 'I was studying in a coffee shop'. The use of cohesive devices is present but could be improved for better clarity. To enhance coherence, the writer could use clearer transitions between ideas.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
There are multiple grammatical errors, including incorrect verb forms and sentence structures, such as 'the mathematic textbook' instead of 'the mathematics textbook'. The use of tenses is inconsistent, and there are issues with subject-verb agreement. To improve, the writer should focus on using correct grammatical structures and ensuring subject-verb agreement throughout the letter.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several instances of repetition and misused words, such as 'appologize' instead of 'apologize' and 'you're' instead of 'your'. The phrase 'I will treat the book I borrow with more carefully' should be 'I will treat the book I borrow more carefully'. To improve, the writer could incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and ensure correct usage.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The letter addresses all parts of the task: it apologizes for the damage, explains how it occurred, and offers to replace the book or pay for the damage. However, the tone could be more formal, and there are some awkward phrases that detract from the overall effectiveness. To improve, the writer could use a more structured approach and ensure a more formal tone, such as starting with 'Dear [Classmate's Name]' instead of 'Dear my classmate'.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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