You recently bought a laptop from a local shop. After a week, you discovered that the laptop was faulty. Write a letter to the shop manager. In your letter: - introduce yourself - explain the situation - say what action you would like the manager to take
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The letter demonstrates a clear understanding of the task requirements, effectively introducing the writer and outlining the issues with the faulty laptop. Key strengths include a logical structure and a clear request for a refund. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly with verb tenses and subject-verb agreement, as well as enhancing coherence through better transitions and cohesive devices. Structural changes made include improving the introduction for formality, clarifying the issues systematically, and correcting grammatical errors. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented include varying vocabulary further and ensuring a more formal tone throughout. The tone used is generally appropriate for a complaint letter, but a more formal approach could enhance its effectiveness.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The letter has a logical structure, but the flow of ideas could be improved. Some sentences are awkwardly constructed, which affects clarity. For example, the transition between the introduction and the explanation of the laptop issues could be smoother. Using cohesive devices more effectively, such as 'Firstly,' 'Secondly,' and 'Finally,' would enhance the coherence of the letter.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The letter contains several grammatical errors, including incorrect verb tenses ('I coming' should be 'I came'), subject-verb agreement issues ('the battery do not' should be 'the battery does not'), and awkward phrasing. While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on using correct verb forms and ensuring subject-verb agreement.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition and incorrect word forms, such as 'buy' instead of 'bought' and 'annoy' instead of 'annoying.' The writer could improve by using a wider range of vocabulary and ensuring correct word forms. For example, instead of 'make strange noises,' the writer could say 'produces unusual sounds.'
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The letter addresses the task requirements by introducing the writer, explaining the situation with the faulty laptop, and stating the desired action of a refund. However, the introduction could be more formal, and the explanation of the situation could be clearer and more concise. For improvement, the writer could provide more details about the purchase date and clarify the issues with the laptop more systematically.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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