You recently made an online purchase and the product was not the same as the description on the website. What you purchased and when. Exactly how it is different from the website description. How you would like the company to fix the problem.
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The letter effectively addresses the task requirements by clearly stating the purchase details, the discrepancies between the product received and the website description, and the desired resolution. Key strengths include a clear structure and appropriate vocabulary. However, critical areas for improvement include enhancing the use of cohesive devices and correcting minor grammatical errors. Structural changes made include adding a specific date to the purchase, improving cohesion with transitional phrases, and clarifying the request for a timely response. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented include varying the vocabulary to reduce repetition and ensuring all sentences are grammatically flawless. The tone used is appropriate for a formal complaint letter.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The letter is generally well-organized, with a logical flow of ideas. However, the use of cohesive devices could be enhanced. For example, using phrases like 'In addition' or 'Furthermore' could help to better connect the points about the color and size discrepancies.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The letter demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, with mostly accurate usage. There are minor errors, such as 'purchase' instead of 'purchased' in the first sentence and 'Your sincerely' should be 'Yours sincerely.' These errors do not significantly impede understanding but do affect the overall accuracy.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the context, with terms like 'satisfied,' 'discrepancies,' and 'refund' effectively conveying the message. However, there is some repetition of words such as 'sweater' and 'size.' Incorporating synonyms or varied expressions could enhance the lexical range.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The letter addresses the task requirements by clearly stating the purchase details, the discrepancies between the product received and the website description, and the desired resolution. However, it could be improved by providing a more specific date for the purchase and a clearer request for action, such as a specific timeframe for the response.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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