You recently started a university course in a foreign country. Your accommodation is unsatisfactory and you would like to move. Write a letter to the accommodation officer at the university. In your letter: describe the accommodation explain what is wrong with it say what kind of accommodation you would prefer

Part 1 (Academic)
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

Dear accommodation officer, I am writting to you to request a change in my living placearrangements. I am an international student twho hats recently cominge to this university for a course. The place where I am currently staying is very badunsatisfactory and makinges it difficult for me to focus on my studying.ies. First, I want to diescribe my current accommodation. It is a shared room in an old building. I am sleeping in the same room with three others students, which is very crowded and noisy. Every time they make noise and mess in night time hourscreate a mess during the night. The washroom is also in badpoor condition,; the shower don'es not have hot water, and the toillet is always dirty. This place haves many problems that make it unsuitable for living. BThe biggest problem is noissue is the lack of privacy becausedue to shareing with many peoples. It is always messy and dirty because the other students don' not clean up after themself. Andves. Additionally, there is a lot of noise inat night, which disturbs my sleep and focus in daytimeaffects my focus during the day. I cannot study well in this kind of living space that has so many issues. For all thisese reasons, I would prefer to transfer to different accommodation. I would like a single room where I can have more privacy and a quiet place for studying. It should have a clean washroom that is not shared with many other student. Ands, and the building needs to be in good maintenancewell-maintained, not old and dirty place. Please kindly consider my request for a change thein accommodation. I look forward forto your reply. Let me know if you need more informations. Your Ss sincerely, [Your Name]
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Expert Feedback

The letter demonstrates a clear understanding of the task requirements by addressing the current accommodation issues and expressing a desire for a change. Key strengths include a clear identification of problems and a specific request for a different type of accommodation. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, vocabulary enhancement, and coherence in the flow of ideas. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving vocabulary, and enhancing transitions between points. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing more specific examples of how the noise affects study habits and using more sophisticated vocabulary throughout the letter. The tone used is appropriate for a formal request, maintaining politeness and clarity.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The letter has a basic structure, but the flow of ideas could be improved. Some sentences are disjointed, and transitions between points are lacking. For instance, using cohesive devices like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' could enhance the logical progression of ideas. A clearer paragraphing structure would also help.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The letter contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('the shower don't have hot water') and incorrect verb forms ('I am international student'). There are also awkward constructions that affect clarity. Improving grammatical accuracy and using a wider range of sentence structures would enhance the overall quality.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several instances of repetition and inaccuracies, such as 'writting' instead of 'writing' and 'toillet' instead of 'toilet.' Additionally, phrases like 'very bad' could be replaced with more sophisticated vocabulary, such as 'unsatisfactory' or 'subpar.'
5.0
Task Achievement
The letter addresses the task requirements by describing the current accommodation, explaining the issues, and stating a preference for a different type of accommodation. However, the response could be improved by providing more specific details about the problems and a clearer structure. For example, elaborating on how the noise affects study habits would strengthen the argument.
6.0

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