You recently visited a zoo. Write a review of your visit for a website about tourism in your area. Your review should mention the following: the range of animals at the zoo the food and drinks facilities whether you think the zoo is good value for money

Part 1 (General)
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

Dear reader, I am writeing to tell you about when i goes tomy visit to the zoo last week. The zoo is quite big and has many animals. I seeaw lions, tigers, giraffes, and monkeys. Also i seedditionally, I observed many birds, like parrots and eagles. The animals looked healthy, and the cages awere clean. The zoo also has a restaurant and a cafeé. I eathad lunch at the restaurant. T, where the food iwas tasty but a bit expensive. I think the price is okayreasonable because the zoo needs money to take care of the animals. The cafeé sells ice cream and cold drink. Its, which is nice to have cold drink becaus, especially since the weather iwas hot. I thinkbelieve the zoo ioffers good value for money. The ticket price is not too high, and you can spend many hour at zoos there. It is both fun and educational to see the animals. The zoo also has a show withfeaturing animals doing tricks. The show, which is included in the ticket price. Overall, iI recommend visiting the zoo. It is gooda great place for familyies and friends to spend time together. The animals are interesfascinating, and the food is not baquite good. I think it is worth the money for a fun day out. Yours sincerely, Lee
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Expert Feedback

1. Key strengths of the essay include a clear structure and a logical flow of ideas, as well as addressing the task by discussing various aspects of the zoo experience. 2. Critical areas for improvement involve enhancing the depth of detail regarding the animals and food, improving grammatical accuracy, and expanding vocabulary to avoid repetition. 3. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving sentence variety, and enhancing transitions between ideas. The introduction was slightly rephrased for clarity, and the body paragraphs were adjusted to improve coherence. 4. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating more descriptive language about specific animals and dishes, as well as using a wider range of vocabulary to enrich the writing. 5. The tone used is appropriate for a casual letter, maintaining a friendly and informative style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The review has a basic structure and flows logically from one point to another. However, there are some awkward transitions and repetitive phrases that hinder clarity. For example, the phrase 'I see' is used multiple times. To enhance coherence, the writer could use more varied linking words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
There are several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement ('I goes' should be 'I go'), incorrect verb forms ('I eat' should be 'I ate'), and punctuation issues. These errors affect the overall clarity of the writing. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures.
4.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is quite basic, with some repetition (e.g., 'animal' and 'see'). While there are some appropriate terms, the overall range is limited. To improve, the writer could incorporate more varied and sophisticated vocabulary, such as 'exotic' for animals or 'culinary options' for food facilities.
5.0
Task Achievement
The writing addresses the task by discussing the range of animals, food facilities, and value for money. However, it lacks depth in some areas, such as providing more specific details about the animals and the food. To improve, the writer could include more descriptive language and examples, such as mentioning specific dishes at the restaurant or more animal species.
6.0

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