You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. A friend of yours is in the hospital recovering from a serious operation. He is going to be in the hospital for at least another two weeks. Write a letter to your friend. In your letter: express your sympathy reassure him that you will help in any way you can suggest some ways you could help You should write at least 150 words. You do NOT need to write any addresses.
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The letter effectively addresses the task requirements by expressing sympathy, offering help, and suggesting ways to assist the friend. Key strengths include a clear expression of concern and a willingness to help, which is appropriate for the context. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, sentence structure, and vocabulary variety. The structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving sentence clarity, and enhancing the overall flow with better transitions. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating more specific examples of books or magazines and using a wider range of vocabulary to avoid repetition. The tone used is warm and supportive, which is appropriate for the situation.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The letter has a logical flow, but some sentences are awkwardly constructed, which affects clarity. For example, 'I want help you in any way I can while you in hospital' could be rephrased to 'I want to help you in any way I can while you are in the hospital.' Using more cohesive devices could improve the overall coherence.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The letter contains several grammatical errors, such as 'I so sorry hear you in hospital' and 'I want help you.' These errors detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing. Improving sentence structure and ensuring subject-verb agreement would enhance the grammatical accuracy.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several instances of incorrect word forms and repetition, such as 'help' and 'hospital.' More varied vocabulary and idiomatic expressions could enhance the letter. For example, instead of 'healthy snack,' the writer could use 'nutritious snacks' for variety.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The letter addresses the task requirements by expressing sympathy, offering help, and suggesting ways to assist the friend. However, it could be improved by providing more specific examples of how the writer can help and a clearer structure. For instance, mentioning specific books or types of magazines could enhance the suggestions.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
Related Writing Samples
You eat at your college cafeteria every lunch time. However, you think it needs some improvements. Write a letter to the college magazine. In your letter, explain what you like about the cafeteria say what is wrong with it suggest how it could be improved
The graph below shows average carbon dioxide (CO2) emissions per person in the United Kingdom, Sweden, Italy and Portugal between 1967 and 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The pie charts show the destination of export goods in three countries in 2010.
The chart below shows the expenditure of two countries on consumer goods in 2010.
"Violence in playgrounds is increasing. However, it is important that parents should teach children not to hit back at bullies."