You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people who were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town areas between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

The bar chart giveprovides information about the percentage of people who livesliving in Australia but born insidwho were born either in the country or born outside of it, ands well as the places where they live likereside, such as urban, rural, or town placeareas, between 1995the years 1995 and 2010 year. First, we can see that the most people, as whoit is evident that the majority of individuals, whether born in Australia or who born in another countries, livesreside in urban place. Itareas. This category accounts for more thean 80 percent from allof both Australian-born and Other-countri-born peopleoverseas-born individuals in both years 1995 and 2010. Second, we can see that there are lessfewer people from all twoboth groups who livesliving in rural areas and in towns. The percaentage of Australian-born peopleindividuals in rural areas dropped from nearly 12% in 1995 year to just over 10 percent in year% in 2010. For other-countries-born peopleose born outside of Australia, the perscent areage remained around 7% in both years, there areshowing no change over the time. For town are In contrast, the oposite picture we can sesituation in town areas presents a different picture. The percentage forof Australian-born people toindividuals livesing in towns stay sameremained constant at around 7% in both 1995 and 2010 years. But. However, for people born outside countryof Australia, this percentage is slightly increased from nearly 6% in 1995 to nearapproximately 8% in 2010. So i In conclusion, the mostajority of both Australian-born and Other-countri-born peopleoverseas-born individuals prefer to live in urban placeareas rather thean in rural or town. But in rural place settings. However, there are more Australian-born people, and in town areasindividuals in rural areas, while in town areas, the percentage of people born outside Australia have bigger percentegesis higher.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task, effectively summarizing the main features of the bar chart and making relevant comparisons. Key strengths include a good attempt at presenting data and a logical flow of ideas. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly with subject-verb agreement and awkward phrasing, as well as the need for more varied vocabulary to avoid repetition. Structural changes were made to enhance clarity and coherence, including clearer topic sentences and improved transitions between paragraphs. Further improvements could include a more detailed overview paragraph that encapsulates the main trends and differences more succinctly. The tone used is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The writing demonstrates some coherence, but the organization of ideas could be improved. The use of cohesive devices is limited, and transitions between points are sometimes abrupt. To enhance coherence, the writer could use clearer linking phrases and ensure that each paragraph logically follows from the previous one.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The response contains several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ('the most people, as who born in Australia or who born outside of it, lives in Australia') and awkward phrasing. While the writer demonstrates some range in sentence structures, the accuracy is compromised by these errors. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical correctness and clarity.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition (e.g., 'people born in Australia' and 'people born outside Australia'). The writer could improve by incorporating synonyms or varied expressions. Additionally, there are some spelling errors (e.g., 'anther' instead of 'another', 'percantage' instead of 'percentage') that detract from the overall quality.
6.0
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the bar chart and making relevant comparisons. However, it lacks clarity in some areas and could benefit from a more structured approach. For improvement, the writer should ensure that all key data points are clearly presented and comparisons are explicitly stated, such as the differences in percentages between the two groups.
6.0

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