You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The diagram below shows how rain water is collected and then treated to be used as drinking water in an Australian town. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.

Part 1 (Academic)
7.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

The diagram is illustratinges the process of how the rainwater is collected and treated to be used as drinking water in a town in Australia. The process hasconsists of several steps, which I will describe in this writing. First, the rainwater is collected in a dam or reservoir. This is the firstinitial step in the process. The water is then pumped to a treatment plant, where it undergoes severalmultiple stages of treatment to makensure it is safe for drinking. In the treatment plant, the water is first filtered to remove any large particles or debris. ThenSubsequently, it is treated with chemicals to kill anyeliminate harmful bacteria orand microorganisms. After thatward, the water is passeds through a series of filters to remove any remaining impurities., ensuring that it meets safety standards for consumption. Finally, the treatpurified water is stored in a storage tank before being distributed to homes and businesses in the town through a network of pipes. This ensures that the people in the townprocess guarantees that the residents have access to clean and safe drinking water. In summary, the diagram showoutlines the process of collecting rainwater, treating it to remove impurities and harmful substances, and then distributing it to the people in the towncommunity for drinking. This process is importantcrucial for ensuring that the people in the towulation haves access to clean and safpotable water, which is essential for their health and well-being.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively summarizes the main features of the diagram, detailing the steps involved in collecting and treating rainwater. Key strengths include a clear structure and appropriate vocabulary. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for more varied cohesive devices and synonyms to avoid redundancy. Structural changes made include the correction of 'the rain water' to 'rainwater' and the introduction of varied transition words such as 'subsequently' and 'afterward' to enhance flow. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented include incorporating specific details about the importance of each treatment stage and making comparisons between different stages of the process. The tone used is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining formality and clarity throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, with a clear progression of ideas from the collection of rainwater to its treatment and distribution. However, the use of cohesive devices could be more varied. For instance, instead of repeatedly using 'then' to link sentences, alternatives like 'subsequently' or 'afterward' could enhance the flow. Additionally, the summary could be more concise to improve clarity.
7.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The grammatical structures used are mostly accurate, with a mix of simple and complex sentences. However, there are minor errors, such as 'the rain water' which should be 'rainwater' as a single word. Additionally, some sentences could be more varied in structure to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical usage. Overall, the clarity is maintained despite these minor issues.
7.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the task, with terms like 'filtered', 'impurities', and 'treatment plant' demonstrating a good range. However, there is some repetition of phrases such as 'treated water' and 'clean and safe drinking water'. To improve, the writer could incorporate synonyms or more varied expressions to avoid redundancy, such as using 'purified water' or 'potable water'.
7.5
Task Achievement
The response effectively summarizes the main features of the diagram, detailing the steps involved in collecting and treating rainwater. However, it could improve by including specific details about the treatment stages and making comparisons between different stages of the process. For example, mentioning the importance of each treatment stage in relation to the overall safety of the water would enhance the response.
7.5

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