You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The diagrams below show the interior of a village church in 1900 and the same church today. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The essay effectively addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the church's interior changes over time. Key strengths include a clear structure and logical progression of ideas. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly with subject-verb agreement and verb forms, as well as the use of a wider range of vocabulary to avoid repetition. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, enhancing clarity, and ensuring proper paragraphing. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing more specific comparisons and elaborating on the significance of the changes to reflect broader societal shifts. The tone used is appropriate for an academic task, maintaining a formal and informative style.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical progression of ideas. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances of awkward phrasing that disrupt the flow (e.g., 'has been change' should be 'has changed'). Improving the use of linking words and phrases would enhance clarity and cohesion.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The writing demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are several errors that affect clarity, such as subject-verb agreement issues ('benches has been removed') and incorrect verb forms ('to giving sermons'). To improve, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and vary sentence structures more effectively.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is appropriate but somewhat repetitive, with terms like 'church' and 'front' appearing multiple times. There are also some inaccuracies, such as 'interrior' instead of 'interior' and 'full off' instead of 'full of.' To improve, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and ensure accuracy in spelling.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The response addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the church's interior changes over time. However, it lacks some detail and depth in the comparison, such as specific examples of how the changes reflect broader societal shifts. To improve, the writer could include more specific comparisons and elaborate on the significance of these changes.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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