You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The table describes the changes of people who went for international travel in 1990, 1995, 2000 and 2005. (million). Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The essay demonstrates some strengths, including a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. The key figures for each year are mentioned, providing a basic summary of the data. However, there are critical areas for improvement, particularly in grammatical accuracy, coherence, and depth of analysis. The original writing contained several grammatical errors, awkward phrasing, and a lack of cohesive devices, which have been addressed in the corrected version. The structural changes made include rephrasing for clarity and correcting grammatical errors while maintaining the original flow. For further improvements, the writer could incorporate more detailed observations about the rate of increase and notable patterns, such as percentage growth between years. The tone used is appropriate for an academic context, but enhancing vocabulary variety would further strengthen the writing.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The essay has a logical structure, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. However, the use of cohesive devices is limited, and some sentences are awkwardly constructed, which affects the overall flow. For example, phrases like 'the giving table give numbers' could be rephrased for clarity. To enhance coherence, the writer could use more linking words and phrases to connect ideas smoothly.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The writing contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('the table show increase') and incorrect verb forms ('travels' instead of 'travel'). There are also awkward constructions that hinder clarity. While the writer demonstrates some grammatical range, the errors detract from the overall effectiveness. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition and awkward phrasing, such as 'person who travel in internationally' and 'the number for international travel keep increasing.' The writer could benefit from using a wider range of vocabulary and more precise terms, such as 'international travelers' instead of 'person who travel in internationally.'
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The response provides a basic summary of the data presented in the table, mentioning the key figures for each year. However, it lacks depth in analysis and does not fully address the requirement to make comparisons or highlight trends effectively. To improve, the writer could include more detailed observations about the rate of increase and any notable patterns, such as the percentage growth between years.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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