You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The world health organization recommends that people should eat five or more portions of fruit and vegetables per day. The bar chart shows the percentage of males and females in the UK by age group in 2006. You should write at least 150 words.

Part 1 (Academic)
7.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

The chart is showings the percentage of males and females who eat five or more portions of fruit and vegedatables per day in different age groups in the UK in 2006. It can be seen that overall, females eatconsume more fruit and vegetables than males across all age groups. In the youngest age group, 16-24 years old, around 18% of males and 22% of females consume the recommended amount of fruit and vegetables. The percentage increases with age for both genders, with the highest consumption in the oldest age group, 65 years and over, where approximately 38% of males and 35% of females meet the recommendation. The gap between males and females is largest in the middle age groups, with females consistently consuming more fruit and vegetables than males. For example, in the 25-34 age group, around 20% of males and 28% of females eat five or more portions per day, while in the 35-44 age group, the figures are roughly 22% for males and 32% for females. Furthermore, in the 45-54 age group, about 30% of males and 38% of females meet the recommended intake. In conclusion, the chart showillustrates that females generally consume more fruit and vegetables than males across all age groups in the UK in 2006. The cConsumption increases with age for both genders, but the gap between males and females is most pronounced in the middle age groups.
DeletedOriginal textAddedCorrected text

Expert Feedback

The essay effectively summarizes the data presented in the chart and provides relevant comparisons between males and females across different age groups, demonstrating a good understanding of the task. Key strengths of the essay include a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, as well as the use of relevant vocabulary. The inclusion of specific data points enhances the clarity of the analysis. Critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly in subject-verb agreement and phrasing. The original spelling error ('vegedatas') was corrected, and the use of varied linking phrases was introduced to improve coherence. Structural changes made include the addition of a specific data point in the middle age group to provide a more comprehensive overview of the trends. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include varying the vocabulary used for 'fruit and vegetables' to avoid repetition and enhancing the use of cohesive devices throughout the essay. The tone used is appropriate for an academic task, maintaining a formal and objective style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Ideas are logically sequenced, and cohesive devices are used appropriately. However, the use of linking phrases could be more varied to enhance the flow of information. For example, using phrases like 'in addition' or 'furthermore' could improve transitions between points.
7.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors, such as 'the chart is showing' instead of 'the chart shows' and 'the recommended amount of fruit and vegetables' which could be more clearly stated. Minor errors in subject-verb agreement and awkward phrasing also affect clarity. Improving grammatical accuracy would enhance the overall quality of the writing.
6.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the task, with terms like 'consume,' 'recommended amount,' and 'percentage' being relevant. However, there are some repetitive phrases, such as 'fruit and vegetables,' which could be varied with synonyms or paraphrasing. Additionally, the misspelling of 'vegetables' as 'vegedatas' detracts from the overall lexical accuracy.
7.0
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by summarizing the data presented in the bar chart and provides relevant comparisons between males and females across different age groups. However, it could be improved by including more specific data points and trends, such as the exact percentages for each age group, which would enhance the clarity and depth of the analysis.
7.5

Related Writing Samples

Part 1 (Academic)
8.0

You eat at your college cafeteria every lunch time. However, you think it needs some improvements. Write a letter to the college magazine. In your letter, explain what you like about the cafeteria say what is wrong with it suggest how it could be improved

Part 1 (Academic)
6.5

The graph below shows average carbon dioxide (CO2) emissions per person in the United Kingdom, Sweden, Italy and Portugal between 1967 and 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.0

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

The pie charts show the destination of export goods in three countries in 2010.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

The chart below shows the expenditure of two countries on consumer goods in 2010.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

"Violence in playgrounds is increasing. However, it is important that parents should teach children not to hit back at bullies."