You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Some people think school summer holidays are too long and should be shortened. Others disagree and believe that the current length of the school summer break is appropriate. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

IOn one hand, some people argue that summer holidays should be shorter for school children. They says that having too long holidays can make the childrens forgotset what they learned in school before. Some of the knowledges are is lost during the long break and must be retaught when school starts again. This is not an effiecient way of learning. Another point they givraise is that working parents hasve difficulty to finding childcare for their childrens during the whole summer. It is a big inconvenience and costs a lot of moneys. On the other hands, other people think the current school holidays are of good length and should not changes. One reason is that childrens need time to relaxing after a hard year of studying. It is healthy for them to rest their brains and bodyies to come back refreshed for the new school year. Shortening the holiday will make students more stressfuled and tired. OAnother reason is that a long holiday give chance for familys families the chance to spend quality time together. They can going for on trips or visit relatives in other cityies or countryies. This is important for bonding between parents and child.ren. In my opinion, iI believe the school summer holiday does not need to be shortened. While it is true that some studentss may forgets parts of their studies, this is not a big problem. MThe most important things are remembered, and detailes can quickbe learned quickly again. And tThe benefits of lettallowing childsren to relax and families to havinge time together isare more important forto me. School and educations is are important, but they should not be everything in a child's life. We must let them be children and enjoy their free time also. So is well. Therefore, I think to keeping the summer holiday as it is now is best for most students and familyies.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task by discussing both perspectives on the length of summer holidays and providing a personal opinion. Key strengths include a structured approach with distinct paragraphs and a clear opinion stated at the end. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for more developed arguments and specific examples to support claims, which would enhance task achievement. Additionally, the essay could benefit from improved coherence through better transitions and a wider range of vocabulary to avoid repetition. Grammatical accuracy is another area needing attention, as several errors detract from the overall quality. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving coherence with better transitions, and enhancing vocabulary. For further improvements, the writer could incorporate specific examples or statistics to support their arguments and vary sentence structures for greater complexity. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with clear paragraphs, but the flow of ideas could be improved. Some transitions between points are abrupt, and the use of cohesive devices is limited. To enhance coherence, the writer could use linking phrases more effectively, such as 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' to connect ideas smoothly.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('they says', 'childrens'), incorrect verb forms ('forgots', 'do not need to shorten'), and awkward constructions. While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition (e.g., 'children', 'holiday') and some inaccuracies (e.g., 'effiecient', 'incovenience'). The writer could improve by incorporating a wider range of vocabulary and using synonyms to avoid repetition. Additionally, using more sophisticated expressions would enhance the overall quality.
5.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views on the length of summer holidays and provides a personal opinion. However, the arguments could be more developed and supported with specific examples. For improvement, the writer could elaborate on the points made, such as providing statistics on learning retention or examples of family activities during holidays.
6.0

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