You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: What is your favorite sports team and why? Describe the team, the sport they play, and explain why you like them. Write at least 150 words.
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The essay effectively describes the writer's support for Liverpool Football Club, highlighting its history, atmosphere, and notable players. Key strengths include a clear structure and personal engagement with the topic. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly with subject-verb agreement and verb forms, as well as the need for a more formal tone. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, enhancing transitions between ideas, and refining vocabulary to avoid repetition. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented include providing specific examples of trophies won and elaborating on the significance of the club's history. The tone used is generally appropriate but could benefit from a more formal approach to align with academic writing standards.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The essay has a logical structure, with clear sections discussing the team, its history, and personal feelings. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, using phrases like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' could enhance the flow of ideas.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The writing demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are several errors that affect clarity, such as 'They are play' (should be 'They play') and 'I admiring' (should be 'I admire'). These mistakes, along with issues with subject-verb agreement and article usage, detract from the overall quality. More attention to grammatical accuracy is needed.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, with some good expressions like 'never-say-die attitude' and 'incredible atmosphere.' However, there are instances of repetition (e.g., 'great' and 'many') and some inaccuracies (e.g., 'succesful' should be 'successful'). Expanding the range of vocabulary and correcting these errors would improve the score.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The response addresses the task by describing Liverpool Football Club, the sport of football, and the reasons for the writer's support. However, it could be improved by providing more specific examples of trophies won and elaborating on the significance of the club's history. Additionally, the tone could be more formal, as it is somewhat conversational.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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